Catch You, Catch Me
by Hikari Kaitou
Summary: Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there's more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Here we have another deanonning from the kink meme. The prompt was: "So anon wants to see some AU that involves Spain as a clueless detective, but who can be somewhat competent, and Romano as a phantom or gentleman thief, you know, the kind that leaves a letter before comitting any crime. Strategies, chases, Foe Yay with lots of UST and all that good stuff!

Also, anon doesn't care if it's Spain/Romano or Romano/Spain"

I swapped the roles because I thought it would be more fitting that way. Since the other anon who is working on a fill for this prompt was drawing inspiration from DNAngel already, I decided to draw mine from some other thief and detective manga I've read over the years. Granted, the ones I have in mind were campy and silly, but personally I think that was part of their charm. I hope you enjoy the first installment.

* * *

Romano wiped his forehead on his shoulder and shifted uncomfortably in his tight quarters. It was dark and still, and all he could hear was the sound of his own pounding heart and increasingly labored breathing. That flamboyant overdressed, overconfident thieving bastard had better show up soon or Romano was going to suffocate.

Romano loosened his tie in hopes of making it easier to breathe, though he knew that the problem was that he had already used up most of the air in the enclosed space. There was nothing for it, though, but to wait it out. Romano glanced down at the glowing face of his watch and gave a satisfied grimace. Any minute now it would be time for him to spring into action. This time for sure, he would catch that slippery fucker, and when he did, he would make the other man wish he'd never been born.

The thief's antics had caused him way too much pain and suffering over the six months or so that he'd been on his case for Romano, a detective, to want to do anything less than punch him in the nose and lock him up for life. Naturally, he'd been trying to do just that from the get-go, but that asshole had somehow managed to slip through his fingers every time.

Detective Romano Vargas, pissed off and squished though he was, was confident tonight, however. Tonight would be the night that he finally put the mysterious thief, El Apasionado Caballero (The Passionate Gentleman), behind bars. Romano had lain what he thought was a clever trap for the cat burglar (though some were less confident in it. But what did that guy know? He was just a stupid potato bastard).

The sapphire, tonight's targeted item, had been sewn to the pillow upon which it was displayed, and the pillow was secured to the top of the square display pedestal. When El Apasionado Caballero picked up the jewel, he would also pick up the pillow, which would pull off the top of the pedestal. The sides of the pedestal would fall to the ground, releasing Romano, who was hiding inside.

Romano would grab the thief, snap a pair of handcuffs to the El Apasionado Caballero's wrists, and that would be that. After his glorious capture, Romano would have full gloating rights, and become known as the hero who had put an end to the moron thief with the stupid, perverted name.

Romano's heart skipped a beat when the near-silence was broken by the haunting twang of a flamenco guitar. Well this was new. The music sent a little shiver down his spine, and, to Romano's irritation, it wasn't an unpleasant shiver. He bit back a curse when the shiver continued all the way down to his cock. As much as Romano wanted to believe otherwise, he knew there was no one besides El Apasionado Caballero who could be responsible for the music. He couldn't let himself be distracted; his moment of glory was nigh.

Romano flexed his cramped legs beneath him as best he could. As soon as El Apasionado Caballero picked up the sapphire, Romano would be all over him. Arresting him, of course; it wasn't as if there was any other possible reason that he might possibly want to be all over him.

Other people might find that silky, wavy brown hair, perfectly straight and white smile, and slim and muscular physique attractive, but Romano was more level-headed than to even notice such superficial things. In fact, he was hardly even aware of what El Apasionado Caballero looked like; that's how little interest Romano had in the other man's appearance.

He'd seen the man many times during his capers, but Romano thought him so plain looking (aside from his ridiculously flashy clothing, of course) that the thief's appearance had made no impression on him. Another swell of sultry Spanish music washed over him and before Romano could stop himself, he was picturing strong, confident gloved fingers dancing up and down the neck of the guitar, caressing the strings like they were his lovers. Suddenly his little hideout felt even smaller and warmer before. Even Romano's pants felt a little tighter. Perhaps he needed to go a bit lighter on the pasta. He swallowed hard and tried to focus.

The flamenco music halted at last, and Romano could almost picture the thief pouting over the fact that his playing had failed to attract any attention. Romano had instructed the other officers to surround the room containing the sapphire, staying out of sight and waiting for his signal to enter if he needed backup. He strained his ears, listening for El Apasionado Caballero's approach. There it was, the quiet padding of graceful footsteps on the museum's marble floor.

His heart beat went into overdrive when he heard El Apasionado Caballero lift the glass case that protected the sapphire. The young detective tensed his muscles, watching intently for the top panel to be lifted.

Then something tragic happened; Romano's stomach chose that very inopportune moment to growl hungrily. He hugged his middle, trying desperately to hush it and praying that the thief hadn't heard. Romano had been so busy preparing his trap this evening, so excited about his impending victory, that he hadn't bothered to have dinner. This could be his undoing.

To Romano's horror, he heard a soft chuckle. El Apasionado Caballero had obviously picked up the sound of his stomach rumbling.

"Now unless my ears deceive me, it sounds like there's a hungry little tomato hiding somewhere nearby," El Apasionado Caballero purred. "I wonder where he might be…"

Romano blushed, gritting his teeth angrily. Damn, stupid thief, always patronizing him, talking to him like he was a kid. He may only be twenty-two, but that was certainly old enough to be treated like an adult. But he couldn't say anything in his own defense just now. El Apasionado Caballero was obviously trying to make him so angry that he gave his position away. Well it wasn't going to work.

"It came from very close by." El Apasionado Caballero's tone was similar to one that one might use when playing hide-and-seek with a young child who thought that sitting on a couch with a blanket over their head was a clever way to hide. "And the only thing close to me is this display…"

Suddenly, El Apasionado Caballero lifted the sapphire, causing the pedestal walls to fall open as planned. Romano sprang at him, grabbing the thief around the waist. The two of them went crashing to the floor, Romano pinning his captive beneath his slightly smaller and skinnier frame.

Romano went red as his hips pressed against El Apasionado Caballero's thigh when they hit the tile and he scrambled to support his weight on his knees. El Apasionado Caballero made no effort to get away; he simply grinned up at Romano in that superior way of his that made the detective want to grab him by his neck and shake him. Every time Romano so much as pictured that stupid smile in his head, it made his stomach feel weird, like he was going to puke or something. That was how much he hated that smile.

"Happy to see me, my cute little tomato?" El Apasionado Caballero breathed against Romano's cheek, brushing what was most certainly _not _the beginning of an erection with his leg.

"Th-that was my gun, dumb ass!" Romano sputtered. "Don't get so fucking cocky!"

The thief's stunningly green eyes glittered playfully up at him from underneath his half black, half white masquerade ball-style mask. "I'm happy to see you, too. I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

Romano could feel his cheeks burning (with anger, not embarrassment, although the pervert really hadn't had any business touching him like that) and he quickly bowed his head to hide it, lest El Apasionado Caballero get the wrong idea.

"Like I give a shit about what goes on in that creepy, screwed up head of yours." He began to feel around in the pocket of the navy jacket that made up part of his uniform, searching frantically for his handcuffs.

"It was the flamenco that got my sweet little detective all excited, wasn't it?" El Apasionado Caballero said. "I just thought that up today. I thought I could make it part of my modus operandi, like I would play it to announce my arrival. It was super cool, wasn't it?"

"A constipated cat in heat would have sounded better than that crap you were playing," Romano lied. Where the hell had his handcuffs gone? He'd searched all four of his pockets… His stomach growled again loudly and Romano had to fight the urge to smack his head against the floor.

"Oh right, you're hungry, huh?" El Apasionado Caballero reached into the pocket of his closely fitted, high collared black suit and pulled out a Ziploc bag with something long and hard in it. "Would you like some churros? I made them fresh this morning."

"Like I'd accept anything from you!" Romano spat. "You probably poisoned them!"

"I brought them to munch on in case I had some time to kill, but I'd gladly share with you, Romano," the thief offered. He reached into the bag and broke off a bite-sized piece for himself which he popped into his mouth. A little shock of heat shot through Romano's body when El Apasionado Caballero's tongue poked out and swiped across his lips, clearing away the cinnamon and sugar. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. Then he shook his head; El Apasionado Caballero was trying to mess with him and he'd rather kiss the potato bastard than allow him to succeed.

"Dammit, where the fuck are my handcuffs?" Romano snarled.

"Oh, I threw them," El Apasionado Caballero said around a mouthful of churros.

"Hah?"

"Well, I'd be in trouble if you put them on me, right? I saw an opening when you jumped at me so I grabbed them and threw them as hard as I could."

Romano stared at him, flabbergasted. El Apasionado Caballero put the bag of churros away and brushed his hands together, getting rid of the excess cinnamon and sugar. Then he sat up, forcing Romano to sit up with him. The detective suddenly found his cheek pressed against El Apasionado Caballero's perfectly fitted, high-collared black suit jacket with the ornate silver embroidery across the chest and blushed again.

"Well, I've got my jewel and I've had some fun with my cute little tomato… I wish I could stay longer, but I think it's time for me to make my exit."

Romano came to his senses and shoved El Apasionado Caballero back down to the floor. "Like I'd let you go! What kind of sucky detective do you think I am?"

"The kind that's so enamored with me that he can't bear the thought of me behind bars?" El Apasionado Caballero offered with a hopeful smile.

"L-like hell! Hey, you moron officers out there! Get your sorry asses in here and back me up!"

At Romano's word, thirty or so officers abandoned their hiding places and swarmed into the room.

"Ahh, this is no good," El Apasionado Caballero sighed. "I wanted to show my super-cool escape only to Romano…"

The officers surged forward, all of them making a grab for El Apasionado Caballero.

"Not all at once or you'll-!" Officer Germany, Romano's other sworn enemy, sighed in frustration as El Apasionado Caballero danced gracefully out of their way, causing several of the officers to collide painfully.

Germany raced around the tangle of officers who had fallen over each other and made a grab for El Apasionado Caballero. The thief ducked his grasping hands, almost losing his black wide-rimmed, feathered hat at the sudden movement. While Germany was still trying to regain his balance after the lunge, El Apasionado Caballero tripped him, sending the blond officer sprawling over his knee-high black, silver buckled boot.

Romano, who had taken advantage of the distraction provided by the other officers to locate and retrieve his handcuffs, sprinted back into the fray. He wove his way through the mess of people, his eyes locked on El Apasionado Caballero. The thief's attention was currently occupied by Officer Finland, who was attempting to back him into a corner.

Romano darted over, his handcuffs poised to snap onto El Apasionado Caballero's wrists. He threw himself at the other man, and for one glorious second, he thought he might actually have him. But El Apasionado Caballero was too quick for him; he shot a rope with a grappling hook, apparently from his sleeve, which hooked onto the ledge of a window near the ceiling. Before Romano could get a secure hold on him, he was already rocketing through the air on the rope towards safety as fluidly as if he was flying. The only thing Romano had managed to get his hands on was the theif's cloak fastener, a shiny ruby-red tomato-shaped brooch with fine silver chains dangling from either side. El Apasionado Caballero clutched at his loose cloak, looked down at the chaos below and flashed Romano a winning smile, apparently completely disinterested in the snarl of other officers.

"Better luck next time, my little tomato." He breathed the words like a confession of love, yet somehow they reached Romano's ears even over the din of the officers who were still trying to get at the thief. Romano's face flushed (because of rage; it had nothing, _nothing _whatsoever to do with the soft and affectionate tone the other man had directed at him).

El Apasionado Caballero dropped a smoke pellet at his own feet, and by the time the haze had cleared, he was gone.

"FUCK!" Romano screamed, throwing his handcuffs at the floor as hard as he could.


	2. Chapter 2

_Romano had never been so pathetic as to fantasize about what El Apasionado Caballero might be like in bed, but even if he had, he doubted that his imagination could be as mind-blowing as this. The young detective panted, biting his lip to restrain a moan as his body begged for release. El Apasionado Caballero's lips pressed against his cheek tenderly, trailing a string of kisses unhurriedly down his neck. Romano could feel the thief's bare chest resting against his equally bare back, well defined abs flexing against his skin._

_El Apasionado Caballero's usual highly flattering black dress slacks had been traded for ultra-low riding jeans which exposed his fine treasure trail and the angular curves of his hip bones. Those jeans had yet to be shed, but there was no doubt in Romano's mind that it would happen in time. Even Romano's bottom-half was still clothed, and yet he was more turned on than he could remember ever having been in his entire life. It wasn't fair that El Apasionado Caballero could do this to him, seemingly with so little effort, but at the moment Romano could hardly bring himself to care._

_El Apasionado Caballero was whispering sweet words in his ear in Spanish, punctuating his romantic monologue with kisses. His hand slipped into Romano's hair, locating his curl as quickly and effortlessly as if he had known ahead of time exactly where it was and what it did. It was only through sheer force of will that Romano managed not to come when El Apasionado Caballero gave it a slow, sensuous pull. This was not an easy feat, considering the fact that the thief's other hand was between his legs, stroking his aching arousal in a leisurely manner that almost had Romano believing that he wasn't as hot and bothered as he was. But the thief couldn't fool him, not when he kept rocking his hips against Romano's bottom. There was no mistaking the fact that El Apasionado Caballero was fully erect as well._

_"E-enough messing around," Romano grunted. "I can't… chigi… I've had enough damn t-teasing… chigigi…"_

_"Are you at your limit, my little tomato?" El Apasionado Caballero whispered._

_Romano didn't bother to answer verbally, finding the question rather humiliating; instead he fumbled with his zipper, hands shaking violently as he teetered on the verge of an orgasm. El Apasionado Caballero took his hands in his steadier ones, stopping him._

_"Calm down, my love," he breathed. "There's no need to rush."_

_Romano was about to snap at him that there was a need to rush because he was about five seconds from making a mess of his pants when El Apasionado Caballero unzipped his pants for him, cupping his manhood in his palm over his boxers. The detective whined, shuddering as El Apasionado Caballero's fingertips traced up the underside of his cock._

_Even now, as the thief attempted to slowly drive him crazy, Romano was acutely aware of El Apasionado Caballero's harsh breathing against his neck, the erection that had been freed from the confines of his boxers rutting against him from behind, the warm and spicy scent of the other man's cologne. Somehow it was these details that made the experience so much more intimate and pleasurable to him. The fingers massaging the head of his arousal didn't hurt either._

_"Mmm…Romano…" El Apasionado Caballero panted. "I.. l-love you…"_

Romano awoke as he came, his hips bucking uncontrollably. The detective gasped and bolted upright in bed. The alarm clock was going off. He smacked the clock instinctively, shutting off the alarm, and looked confusedly around the room, disoriented by the abrupt shift from dream to reality. His body was covered in sweat and he was breathing hard.

Romano blushed scarlet as he looked down at his sticky sheets, humiliated by the fact that they had been made that way by an erotic dream about that fucking thief, of all people. He didn't even like the bastard. In fact, he hated him with every particle of his being. Was he so lonely and desperate that thoughts of any random person would do?

He realized that he had fallen asleep clutching the tomato-shaped bauble with the delicate silver chains still attached to either side which he had ripped off of El Apasionado Caballero's cloak the last time they had met, two weeks ago. Romano drew back his arm to throw the cursed thing across the room, but for some weird reason, he couldn't do it, and that made him feel sick. One would think he was pining like some pathetic moron with the way he was acting. Already in a bad mood, Romano dropped the trinket on his bedside table and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

The detective got out of bed and stripped off his sheets for washing before heading toward the shower. He had seen El Apasionado Caballero use what appeared to be magic on every job Romano had ever followed him to; perhaps the thief had put some sort of pervert spell on him. That had to be it, or else Romano never would have seen him in such a dream.

Feeling a little less ashamed of himself now that he had found an explanation that shifted the blame away from him, Romano stepped into the bathroom and reached for his toothbrush. That was when he caught sight of his face in the mirror. Romano rubbed his eyes and shook his head, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. But no, when he opened his eyes again, it was still there: bold black writing scrawled across his cheek.

It had been smeared slightly, presumably when he had let his cheek rest against his pillow before the message had finished drying, but it was still legible. _I will steal the Faith Diamond from the Chiarina City Museum of Natural History on October 8th at 9 PM. Love, El Apasionado Caballero._ The detective's cheeks reddened. What the hell was the thief playing at, signing his calling card with "love"? What a sicko!

But Romano hardly cared at the moment; he was too excited by the promise of another chance. October 8th was tomorrow! That didn't give him much time to prepare. Romano began to brush his teeth at a furious pace, eager to head over to the museum so that he could get things set up.

* * *

If Romano had been confident in his last plan to capture El Apasionado Caballero, it was nothing compared to his level of confidence right now. Romano had been waiting eagerly for this item to arrive for about a month, and now it was finally here. It was a trick display platform and pedestal which he had custom ordered from a specialty place on the internet.

The idea was that if anyone lifted the glass display case, bars would spring out from the perimeter of the platform, forming a cage to trap the perpetrator. Romano had already tested it out himself and it worked like a dream. El Apasionado Caballero wouldn't know what hit him.

Romano was in place by the time nine o'clock rolled around, hiding as usual in a place which would allow him full view of the Faith Diamond. His heart began to pound excitedly as the appointed time drew closer. In mere minutes, he would be staring down that pathetic excuse of a cat burglar from the other side of steel bars, laughing his ass off because they would both finally know which of them was superior. And El Apasionado Caballero would probably cry like a big dumb baby, but Romano wouldn't care because he had won.

But then something occurred to him. The calling card for today's caper had been written on his face, which meant that El Apasionado Caballero had had to break into his house during the night, come right over to him and spend at least fifteen seconds staring at him close up. Knowing what a pervert the guy was, he'd probably stuck around longer than that, just watching him. Granted, Romano didn't know exactly what time El Apasionado Caballero had written the message, but he did know that it had been after three in the morning because he had gotten up to use the bathroom at that time and he was sure there had been no writing then.

What if the thief had come in while he was having that embarrassing dream? What if he had seen Romano tossing, turning, panting and moaning his name? What if his presence, his touch, had been what triggered that damnable fantasy (which Romano still maintained was due to some weird magic that had been cast on him rather than being any sort of reflection of real desires that he might have)?

Romano was so mortified by the thought that he skipped going red and went white as a sheet instead. El Apasionado Caballero was going to show up at any minute and Romano was going to have to face him. Whether the thief had witnessed him having the dream or not, Romano knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. It had already been hanging over his head all day and he hadn't even come face-to-face with El Apasionado Caballero yet. How could he look him in the eye now?

Romano was nowhere near being mentally prepared to deal with El Apasionado Caballero when he heard the flamenco music begin. The detective panicked, looking around wildly for somewhere to hide when he remembered that he was already hiding. This was no good; now he had no choice but to face him.

Romano was so distressed that he didn't even have the presence of mind to appreciate the flamenco intro (not that he enjoyed it or anything; he'd just heard some of the other officers talking about how cool it was. Honestly, there was just no accounting for taste). He couldn't even see the thief. Where on earth was that music coming from anyway?

"The lack of response to my music is really starting to get me down," El Apasionado Caballero pouted, his voice muffled. "I thought it was cool…"

A ceiling panel suddenly vanished and El Apasionado Caballero poked his head out to look around. "Helloooo? Any cute little tomato detectives in here?"

Romano said nothing, but watched intently as the thief did a flip down from the ceiling, landing gracefully on his feet. His heart did a strange little flutter, but it had nothing to do with that lame monkey trick. It was just excitement from his impending victory, and discomfort as memories of his humiliating dream flashed through his head. El Apasionado Caballero waited, his arms spread expectantly. When there was no reaction, he let them fall to his sides, looking disappointed.

"You police officers are a tough crowd, huh?" he said. "Is there anything that impresses you guys? But I guess as long as my little tomato saw it, it's ok."

Well, Romano had seen it, but he wasn't impressed; not in the slightest.

"You're really not gonna come out unless I go for the diamond, huh, Romano?"

El Apasionado Caballero sighed and turned toward the display that housed the Faith Diamond. Romano could see the thief's eyebrows half disappearing behind his mask as he frowned.

"That's weird… Did that display look like that yesterday when I came to scope out the scene?" El Apasionado Caballero wondered aloud.

He contemplated it for a moment longer, then shrugged and pranced over to it, completely unsuspecting. Romano leaned forward and held his breath. He was so close. So close. His heart was pounding so hard that it almost felt like it would explode when El Apasionado Caballero jimmied the lock and lifted the glass case slowly. Romano jumped up and cheered as the bars shot up out of the platform and clanged shut around the thief.

"Whoa, hey! What's this?" El Apasionado Caballero gasped.

"What's it look like, dumb ass?" Romano cackled, springing out of his hiding spot. "It's a trap and you fell for it! God, you are so…"

Romano trailed off suddenly as he got close enough to look him in the eye. He remembered the soft words that El Apasionado Caballero had whispered in his ear in his dream, the warm kisses, the caress of his confident fingers and he went scarlet.

"Eh? What's wrong, Romano?" El Apasionado Caballero asked, looking genuinely concerned. "Your face is looking pretty red… Do you have a fever?"

El Apasionado Caballero reached through the bars and touched Romano's cheek softly, checking his temperature. Romano's eyes slipped closed and he shuddered.

"D-don't touch me!" he snapped, slapping El Apasionado Caballero's hand away. "You… You're in a cage and… I've won and you suck and now I… I never have to…"

Romano trailed off again as reality set in. This was it. If he captured El Apasionado Caballero, the thief would go to jail and the chase would be over permanently. No more planning traps, no more calling cards, no more long legged, overdressed, smooth-talking, taut-assed thief. It was over; he had really won. Suddenly Romano felt ill.

Meanwhile, El Apasionado Caballero was watching his face closely. His heart panged with a sort of sad, sweet joy when he saw the trepidation on Romano's face as he realized that their time together was over. It was hard to tell with Romano sometimes because he was so grumpy, but now he had proof that Romano didn't think as little of him as he said he did. El Apasionado Caballero knew that he couldn't let things end this way.

He paced the cage, examining it carefully for any weaknesses. The bars weren't very close together; perhaps there was hope for escape. El Apasionado Caballero turned, plucked the Faith Diamond from its display the pressed himself into the space between the bars. It was going to be a tight fit, but maybe… El Apasionado Caballero let all the breath out of his lungs to help make himself skinnier and began to squirm.

Romano was in a horrified trance over his realization and didn't even notice what El Apasionado Caballero was doing. Sure he would be a hero after capturing this infamous thief, but it would be a hollow victory. Chasing El Apasionado Caballero had been the most thrilling thing he had done in his entire career. Would another thief that posed just as much of a challenge step up to take El Apasionado Caballero's place once he was gone? Somehow the thought of this didn't console Romano like he thought it would.

"There, there, little tomato, don't be sad," El Apasionado Caballero breathed, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into his embrace. "I can't stand to see you so upset… I know! How about a cheer-up charm! Fusosososo… Fusosososo…"

Romano jumped, his eyes growing wide. "What…? How did you…? Why aren't you…?"

"Oh, I squeezed out between the bars!" El Apasionado Caballero replied cheerfully. "It was kind of tough, but I made it!"

The detective gaped, so full of conflicting emotions that he didn't know what else to do besides stare, his mouth hanging open like an idiot. El Apasionado Caballero laughed, reached out and threaded gloved fingers into Romano's bangs, ruffling his hair affectionately. Unfortunately for him, his hand grazed a certain curl and Romano's face went scarlet again. The detective head-butted him hard in the stomach, sending him flying. El Apasionado Caballero cried out in pain, rubbing his bruised ribs.

"F-fucking pervert!" Romano screamed. "Hey, you shitty officers! The damn trap failed so get in here and help me catch him!"

"Oops, time to go!" the thief commented.

El Apasionado Caballero was already making for the exit, Romano hot on his trail as the other officers flooded into the room. It seemed that the thief wasn't going to try for another smoke bomb exit and Romano was grateful for that. El Apasionado Caballero darted into the woods behind the museum, weaving wildly back and forth between the trees in hopes of losing the officers who were following him.

Some of the less fit officers were dropping away as they ran out of energy, but Romano wasn't about to let him go. He purposely didn't let on when he could help it, but he could run quite fast when it suited him. El Apasionado Caballero glanced back over his shoulder to see who was still behind him and grinned happily when he saw that only Romano was still on his tail.

That moment of distraction almost cost El Apasionado Caballero his life. He skidded to a halt just in time to avoid running right off a cliff. In his shock over almost having died, the Faith Diamond slipped from his fingers. Romano's mouth fell open in a silent scream as he watched the diamond tumble over the edge of the cliff, moving as if it was falling in slow motion.

"Dumb ass!" he roared, launching himself forward and making a desperate snatch for it.

He overbalanced, missing the diamond and tumbled over the edge.

"ROMANO!" El Apasionado Caballero screamed, dropping to his knees and peering over the brink. The detective was clutching a protruding tree branch for dear life.

"D-don't just stand there, you b-b-bastard!" Romano sniffled, his eyes filling with terrified tears, his bottom lip trembling. "S-save me!"

El Apasionado Caballero was just extending Romano his hand when a little twinkle in the leaves of the tree branch that was keeping Romano from plunging to his death caught his eye. The diamond was caught in the foliage. El Apasionado Caballero shook his head minutely. The moment Romano released the branch, the diamond would be flung into oblivion, but he wasn't about to risk Romano slipping just for a shiny rock.

El Apasionado Caballero pulled Romano up and into his arms, hugging him like his life depended on it. Romano was so petrified that he just trembled in El Apasionado Caballero's arms, tears of relief spilling down his cheeks.

"Don't ever do anything like that again!" El Apasionado Caballero scolded, shaking Romano. "You could have died!"

"Wh-what do you care?" Romano mumbled, blushing as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm trying to put you in jail, moron. You should want me out of the way… Anyway, the diamond—"

"Is worthless to me compared to you! There are thousands, maybe millions of diamonds in this world but there's only one sweet little Romano tomato!"

Romano's face burned, his teary amber eyes wide with surprise and confusion. No one had ever told him he was more valuable than a diamond before. Not that he was happy to hear it from this stupid thief! He'd rather hear it from almost anyone else, but the one time someone finally told him that he mattered to them and it was someone he hated. Romano let his forehead fall onto El Apasionado Caballero's shoulder in disappointment, his lips curling upward at the corners slight in a frustrated grimace.

"I love you, Romano," El Apasionado Caballero whispered, "I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you. Promise you'll never do something reckless like that ever again."

Romano blushed, but only because he was so shocked and disgusted to be hearing those words from another man. "S-stupid… I don't wanna hear that from you. And don't throw those words around so lightly... If I…" he paused, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat, "if I actually gave a shit about you I'd be pissed beyond belief if you were j… just making shit up."

"I mean it," El Apasionado Caballero assured him. "With all my heart."

Romano's stomach felt strange again. His chest felt weird, too. Maybe stupid jerk El Apasionado Caballero had put another spell on him.

"Anyway, shut up and get your perverted hands off me or I'll head-butt you again," he mumbled. Romano didn't pull away himself, but only because he was so drained after almost dying.

El Apasionado Caballero released him hurriedly; his ribs still hurt from the last head-butt. Romano hurriedly turned his back on him so that he wouldn't see the color in his cheeks and get the wrong idea.

"I guess you're gonna arrest me now, huh?" El Apasionado Caballero sighed. "I don't really feel like running anymore."

He held out his wrists, waiting for Romano to slap the handcuffs on him. Romano didn't turn around, but he mumbled something that El Apasionado Caballero couldn't hear.

"Eh?"

"I said… I don't wanna look at your stupid face anymore. G-get out of here."

"You mean it, Romano?"

"I… I owe you for pulling me up just now… If it'd been any other thief I'd been chasing they probably would've let me fall…"

"Oh, Romano, thank you! That's so sweet! I knew you wouldn't really put me in jail!"

"Sh-shut up or I'll head-butt you again, you bastard! I just don't wanna be in the debt of any shitty thief!"

"Ok, ok, I'm going!"

El Apasionado Caballero smiled softly at him before turning around and starting to walk away. Then he paused and looked back at him over his shoulder.

"Better luck next time, my little tomato," he said.

Romano whirled around furiously. "Don't you dare say that fucking line to me! I'm _letting _you go, asswipe!"

"But I have to say it!" El Apasionado Caballero insisted. "It's my suave exit line! Every gentleman thief needs a suave exit line! Maybe you don't understand because you're a detective, but…"

El Apasionado Caballero's words were sharply cut off by a head-butt to the back.


	3. Chapter 3

The day after Romano let El Apasionado Caballero was a Saturday, and there were no words to describe how grateful he was for that. Saturday meant that he didn't have to go in to work, which meant that he could put of having to listen to his boss scold him again for failing to capture El Apasionado Caballero again.

Romano's boss, a man by the name of England, was strict and quick-tempered. For some reason, when he found himself face-to-face with England, he became a nervous, quivering mess who could only squeak out timid replies to his boss's snarled questions and accusations. Actually, Romano knew exactly why England had this effect on him; the man was terrifying. The less he had to do with him, Romano thought, the better, but he had been finding himself in England's office more and more lately.

But that could be put off until Monday. Until then, Romano had two full days to do as he pleased, provided that El Apasionado Caballero didn't screw that up by sending a calling card for Saturday or Sunday. Today, Romano decided that he'd spend some time with his little brother. He had called him up and hinted in the most obvious way that he could without completely tossing his pride out the window that he wouldn't hate the idea of his brother coming over with some pastries and cappuccino from his shop for them to share at Romano's place.

The detective's younger brother, Italy, owned a quaint little café a block away from the police station. Thanks to his location and outstanding cooking abilities (which he had inherited from Romano), he did a roaring trade with police officers, who liked going there on their breaks. Unfortunately for Romano, this also meant that Italy, who had always been naïve and a bit weak in the head, was frequently exposed to the lowlifes that Romano had the misfortune to call co-workers. In particular, it had allowed Italy to meet a certain potato bastard.

The two of them seemed to be trying to keep it on the down-low, but Romano knew for a fact that they were dating. He had gone to his brother's café one day for lunch, walked around the counter to help himself like he always did, found the two of them making out in the back room and promptly lost his appetite. Romano knew instantly that they were terrible for each other and had devoted a great deal of time and energy to getting them to realize this, but both of them were so hopelessly thick-headed that he might as well have been talking to rocks.

Romano's doorbell rang and he got up to let his brother inside. As expected, Italy greeted him with a big dopey smile, a bag of pastries in one hand and a cardboard drink-holder with some envelopes nestled between the cups in the other.

"Good morning, Brother! Thanks for inviting me over!" he chirped.

"Yeah, yeah, just come in already," Romano grunted, waving him inside and taking the drink-holder from him. "What're these?"

He indicated the envelopes.

"Oh, the mailman was dropping off the mail when I pulled up so I thought I'd bring it in for you."

Romano led the way into the kitchen and set down the drinks so that he could look over the mail. He gave each bill a derisive snort and tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. When he was finished, Romano was left with only one envelope. This particular one was addressed in handwritten scrawl. Frowning, Romano tore it open. There were three items inside: two tickets to some sort of stunt and magic performance and a very brief letter.

_I know you usually throw these away, but it would really mean a lot to me if you would come see my show. I'm saving your usual fourth row and center seats for you in case you change your mind!_

_Love,_

_Spain_

Romano's face flushed slightly and he rolled his eyes. "Jeez, this clueless bastard just doesn't know how to take a hint."

"What is it, Brother?" Italy asked, taking a seat at the table and plucking his drink from the tray. "Is it Spain again?"

"Yeah," Romano huffed. "When will that dumb ass get it through his thick skull that just because I saved him once a long time ago, doesn't mean I want anything to do with him?"

"He comes to my café sometimes," Italy remarked. "He's a really nice guy. He always asks about you… You never did tell me what Spain did to make you so mad, but I think it was all just a misunderstanding. Maybe you should give him second chance?"

Romano stuck his nose in the air stubbornly. It had been a while since he had seen Spain face-to-face, but time had not dimmed his memory of the man. He remembered his cheerful demeanor, his passable looks, the way he had flirted with Romano so openly. Unlike most men that Romano met, Spain didn't completely disgust him from the get-go (that didn't mean he liked him, though!) and deep in his heart, Romano knew that it was partially for this reason that he was so insistent on never seeing or speaking to him again.

For a majority of Romano's life, he had played second fiddle to his younger brother. Even his parents and grandfather had preferred Italy. Romano had had only two lovers over the course of his lifetime, and both of them had ended up leaving him because they found themselves more attracted to the younger Vargas brother.

Though Romano had done his best to put all that behind him and act as if he didn't care, the truth was that the scars ran deep. In his darkest moments, when he was lying in bed and there was no one to put up a front for, Romano told himself that even if he found someone to whom he wanted to give his whole body and heart, that person would toss him aside for his brother and the hurt would be so deep that he would never recover. And though he would never, ever admit this to anyone, the thought terrified him so much that he pushed away anyone he thought had any sort of potential to interest him romantically.

"Are you going to see his show?" Italy asked, taking a sip of his cappuccino.

"Hell no. Didn't I just say I'm not interested in that bastard?"

"What a waste! I heard it's a really good show, too. It's gotten really good reviews in all the newspapers."

"Like I care," Romano said dispassionately around a mouthful of blueberry tart. "Anyway, if I show up, he'll get the wrong idea."

"Well… if you're not going to use them, would you mind giving the tickets to me?"

"What're you gonna do with them?"

"Um… I thought I might take Germany to see it. It would be a fun idea for a date, don't you think?"

Romano's face went red with rage at the very idea. "No fucking way am I giving them to you! You know how I feel about that potato dick!"

"I think you and Germany just got off on the wrong foot!" Italy said hurriedly. "If you could just start over…"

"Don't give me that shit; I know what he's like! I work with that asshole! Listen to me, Veniciano, 'cause I'm telling you this for your own good: the guy's a loser! He's trying to take advantage of you!"

Italy looked hurt. "Germany would never take advantage of me. He's one of the sweetest, gentlest people I know and we're in love. You don't hurt someone you're in love with."

"There's no such thing as love, idiot! It's a fucking fairy tale! If that twisted jerk feels anything for you, it's only lust! How many times do I have to say this to you before you get it?"

Italy opened his mouth to argue, but he could see the pain smoldering in his brother's eyes and he fell silent. Nothing he said could change Romano's mind, not when he had been hurt so many times. He would just have to keep praying that his brother's special someone would show up soon and prove to him that he was mistaken. Romano shoved the letter and tickets back in the envelope and crumpled it into a ball before throwing the lot into the trash.

* * *

_It was a clear spring day about a year and a half ago when Romano first met Spain. The whole thing had been sheer coincidence. Romano decided to walk to work that day rather than drive like he normally did. He had managed to get out the door unusually early which meant that he had time to be a bit more leisurely in his pace._

_The detective was stopped at a corner, waiting for the light to change when he first laid eyes on Spain. Spain hadn't seen him yet; he was too busy texting someone. Romano saw the following events as if in slow motion. A child riding his bike on the sidewalk swerved to miss a dog crossing his path, and bumped Spain, causing him to drop his phone in the street. Spain, like the moron he was, unthinkingly stepped out into on-coming traffic to retrieve it, completely overlooking the city bus that was speeding toward him._

_Acting on sheer instinct, Romano darted across the street and shoved Spain out of the way just in the nick of time. Unfortunately Romano had been less lucky; the bus clipped his leg and broke it badly. The Italian had always had a rather low tolerance for pain, so he had blacked out and didn't awake until hours later, by which time he had been taken to the hospital._

_The first thing he noticed as he began to regain consciousness was the sound of someone's shoes against the carpet, pacing restlessly. Romano moaned; there was a sickly throbbing in his leg, though it didn't hurt. He brought a hand to his head and found that a large piece of gauze had been taped to his face. Romano didn't have time to process much more than this, because whoever was pacing in his room had noticed that he was awake._

_"Oh! You're awake! I'm so glad!"_

_Romano squinted at him. His head was throbbing, too. "Who the fuck're you?"_

_"I'm Spain Fernandez-Carriedo, the guy you saved from the bus," the man chirped, looking way too energetic. "And you're Detective Romano Vargas, my hero!"_

_"I know who I am, dumb ass," Romano grumbled, too miserable to muster up the bite he would usually put in his voice. "What the hell are you doing in my room?"_

_"I was waiting for you to wake up so I could say thank you for saving me," Spain explained. "I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am! I'm just sorry you had to go and get so banged up because of it."_

_"There's always a punishment for doing something nice for someone," Romano mumbled. "This time, there were two punishments: a broken leg and an annoying bastard in my room who won't shut the hell up… God, I feel like I'm gonna puke."_

_"The doctor said you have a minor concussion and that you might feel sick when you woke up," Spain said, lowering his voice so as to lessen the aggravation to Romano's poor spinning head. "Would you like some water?"_

_"F-fine…"_

_Spain hurried to pour Romano a glass of water from the pitcher that had been placed on Romano's bedside table. Now that Spain had come closer, Romano could focus on him a bit better. Wavy dark hair, sun-kissed tan skin, lively green eyes, a body that erred on the lean and muscular side… Romano's cheeks pinked slightly. The guy may be annoying as hell, but he certainly wasn't the ugliest human being Romano had ever seen. Maybe it was just the concussion and worsening sick feeling in his stomach talking, though._

_Spain offered Romano the glass of water just as the detective leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up on his shoes._

_

* * *

_

_Romano had been pretty sure that he would never see Spain again after his utterly humiliating performance, but Spain surprised him by showing up again the next day to visit him and pace in the waiting room while he had surgery to realign his bones after his multiple fractures. He came again the day after that and the day after that. In fact, Spain showed up to visit him for at least an hour every day the entire time Romano was recuperating._

_And he brought gifts; sometimes flowers, or chocolate, or alcohol, or even full five course home-cooked meals. It was three months before Romano was completely healed and there was not a single day during that time that Spain failed to visit him and tell him how grateful he was for what Romano had done for him._

_The detective didn't know how to react to Spain. He cursed him out and told him that he was annoying and to go away several times per visit, but everything he said just slid off of Spain like water off a duck's back. Aside from his family, no one had ever willingly put up with him for so long. Factor in Spain's tolerable looks, cheerful, easy-going personality, and the fact that he told Romano every day how glad he was to have met him, and Romano found his heart filled with the beginnings of worryingly tender feelings toward the man. Not love, of course (Romano wasn't a moron or a masochist), but a disturbing lack of hatred and resentment, especially considering the fact that his leg had been broken saving this idiot._

_But as Romano had learned the hard way over and over throughout his life, people could only pretend to be decent for a short amount of time before they exposed their rotten cores. He and Spain had been sitting on the couch that fateful day, watching TV, and Romano had nodded off against Spain's shoulder. Spain, still not understanding even after the millions of times that Romano had warned him that he didn't like being touched, thought that he could take advantage of Romano's sleepiness to hold his hand. Well, he was lucky this time that Romano really was too tired to yell at him, but that didn't mean he liked it._

_That was when Italy showed up, a bag containing grilled sandwiches and pasta salad from his café in hand, intending to share them with his brother for dinner. Though Italy had visited Romano frequently during the time that he was recuperating, his and Spain's visits had never coincided before. When Spain laid eyes on Italy, he stood up, leaving Romano to be startled awake by the sudden loss of support._

_"Hey, are you Romano's younger brother?" Spain asked, sounding way too interested for Romano's liking. Warning signs were flaring up in his mind like fireworks in response to the tone of Spain's voice. That was when Spain dropped the bomb on him. "You're adorable! Why haven't I met you before?"_

_That, to Romano's paranoid ears, sounded like "Why have I been wasting my time with Romano when I could have had you this whole time?" And Romano flipped out. He jumped to his feet, sprinted around the couch and punched Spain in the jaw with all his might._

_"Get the fuck out of my house! Both of you!" he shouted._

_"Eh? Wh-what's wrong, Brother?"_

_"R…Romano… why…?"_

_"Out! Get out right now or I'll call the fucking cops on your asses!"_

_Bewildered and hurt, Spain and Italy left Romano's house, neither one of them understanding why they had just been thrown out. Once he had heard the door slam shut, Romano hurried over to lock it, his chest heaving like he had just run a marathon. Then he slid his back down the door, dropping into a sitting position._

_He didn't care. _I don't give a shit,_ he told himself. Spain was a clueless idiot who never listened when he told him not to touch him or to go away, who forced his barely edible food down Romano's throat, and wouldn't shut up about how cute Romano was or about how much he liked him… _He was only saying that stuff because I saved him. It was nothing personal. Everyone likes Veneciano better anyway. Why should stupid Spain be any different? I don't give a shit about him._ And Romano buried his face in his arms and sobbed._

After that incident, Spain continued to call and knock on his door everyday but Romano ignored him. All the apology letters and gifts that Spain left on his doorstep were burned with deep satisfaction (except if he left something that looked really yummy and Romano hadn't been to the grocery store in a while. Then he would eat it, but only with the greatest of reluctance). He had called the cops on Spain twice when he had shown up at his window at night to attempt to serenade him.

Yet Spain, ever the clueless dumb ass, still didn't get it. He harassed Romano this way every single day until about eight months ago. After that, Spain just stopped visiting, stopped ringing the door bell, stopped leaving gifts. Romano had been grateful beyond belief. He had been starting to think that he would be stuck with Spain for the rest of his life. But Spain hadn't given up altogether. He still sent tickets to his shows every time he had one.

Spain was a stage performer, and a very popular one at that. Apparently his stunts and magic tricks were second to none. Romano wouldn't know; he'd never seen one of his shows and he didn't plan to do so any time in the foreseeable future. Sometimes, in his weaker moments, Romano considered giving in and going to Spain's stupid show, but then he forced himself to remember the utter betrayal of that day when Spain had met Italy and he would tear the tickets up with renewed hatred. If that asshole ever showed his face in front of Romano again, he was going to beat the crap out of him, no questions asked.


	4. Chapter 4

After his outburst at Italy, Romano's mind and heart slipped into turmoil. Their disagreement had not been the cause of his confusion and uncertainty, but it hadn't really sunken in completely until after Italy, dejected, had left Romano's house. Until last night's run-in with El Apasionado Caballero, it had been Romano's unshaken conviction that love did not exist. But then that stupid, annoying thief had gone and planted a seed of doubt in his mind.

El Apasionado Caballero could have easily let Romano die last night, and the detective couldn't understand for the life of him why he hadn't done so. If Romano captured him and put him in jail, El Apasionado Caballero's life would be seriously messed up. He wouldn't get a life-time sentence, especially since he had never attempted to injure anyone or even carried a weapon of any kind, but because of the serial nature of his crimes and the value of the items he stole, he would spend at least several years in prison for it. Even after he was released from jail, the repercussions would follow him for life. Why would El Apasionado Caballero not take the chance to get rid of the person who intended to see that he got what he had coming to him?

On top of that, he hadn't seemed the least bit upset over losing the diamond he had put himself on the line in order to steal. He had even called it worthless in comparison to Romano. Romano couldn't imagine what would drive a criminal, of all people, to act this way. When he had asked El Apasionado Caballero why he had done it, his answer had been "I love you, Romano. I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you." (The fact that he remembered El Apasionado Caballero's exact words in that instance had nothing to do with him liking what he had heard and everything to do with his finely honed skill as a detective.)

Romano supposed he could have understood if the thief had said he'd done it because he didn't want a person's death on his conscience. He would also have understood if El Apasionado Caballero thought so little of him as a detective (because if he was honest with himself, his track record on this particular case was not that impressive) that he wished to keep Romano in his place as head of his case so that no one who posed a real threat would take up the position instead. But the answer he had received had thrown him into deep uncertainty about what he had thought he'd known for sure.

The detective had long ago learned not to be swayed by pretty words, but when accompanied by such an undeniably selfless act, he was almost kind of tempted to wonder whether there might have been some truth to what El Apasionado Caballero had said. Actually, his real purpose in asking Italy to come over today was to discuss with him what had happened in hopes of getting his thoughts on the matter. Italy may have been an airhead, but he was a lot more confident when it came to matters of the heart. Romano's heart was uninvolved in this particular matter, of course, but that was beside the point.

Romano knew that he wouldn't have been able to discuss things of this nature as openly as he wished he could, even if Italy was his brother, but he might have been able to express his problem somehow. If only dumb ass Spain and that damn potato bastard hadn't interfered, he might be feeling a little less crappy right now. Not only that, but maybe he did kind of feel bad about hurting Italy's feelings like that.

The detective sighed and flopped down onto his bed, irritable and shaken. Why did that bastard of a thief have to keep screwing with his head? Why couldn't he just go away and leave Romano to his refreshingly simple, albeit depressing worldview? Romano wriggled back under the covers and curled in on himself, even though it was only eleven in the morning. Perhaps he would take an early siesta today.

* * *

To Romano's immense surprise, El Apasionado Caballero delivered another calling card right away on Monday. That was the shortest gap in between the thief's warnings he had ever seen. This made it an even nastier surprise for Romano when he cracked open an egg for his breakfast on Monday morning only to have it explode in his face with a puff of smoke and confetti, the calling card drifting down to get singed in his frying pan. He had thought he would be safe from El Apasionado Caballero's occasionally terrifying calling card booby traps for another couple of days at least.

Not only that, but El Apasionado Caballero said that he was planning to strike that very night, not even bothering to give him the usual one day's notice. _Tonight, October 11th, I will steal the statue of Cupid from the Chiarina City Art Museum at 8:30 PM. Love, El Apasionado Caballero._ Romano couldn't help wondering if there was some special reason that the thief was pilfering again so soon, but he couldn't really think of anything that made sense.

He supposed motive wasn't really important now; he needed to focus instead on which of his brilliant plans of attack he would use tonight. Romano always kept a number of traps stockpiled because of El Apasionado Caballero's tendency to strike on short notice. All of them were ingenious, but he was going to pull out the big guns tonight. He was going to dress up like the Cupid statue and fool El Apasionado Caballero into thinking he was the real thing. Then, when El Apasionado Caballero came close to try to steal him, he would slap the handcuffs on him. It was fool proof!

Romano wolfed down the remainder of his toast and hurried out the door, heading for the Chiarina City Art Museum to see what kind of materials he would need for the costume.

* * *

Romano shifted uncomfortably, glancing down at the flimsy strip of cloth curled around his waist one more time to make absolutely certain that it was covering everything. This plan seemed less appealing with each passing minute. When he had come to look at the statue that morning to see what kind of costume he would need to make, Romano had been a bit dismayed to find that the only clothing Cupid wore was a flowing strip of cloth that just barely obscured his man bits from view.

Romano had had reservations from the start about exposing himself that way, but the plan was so brilliant, so perfect in every way, that he hadn't been able to bring himself to abandon it. If he couldn't catch El Apasionado Caballero this way, then the man was too elusive for anything and anyone. And Romano had been quite a bit more confident in his own physique that morning, before he'd actually seen himself in the costume. Hadn't his abs been a little more defined when he'd seen them in the bathroom mirror after his morning shower? Had his legs always been this scrawny?

To make matters worse, now all his coworkers were staring at him as well. Romano, who was already beet red, reddened even further. He couldn't really yell at them for staring because he had to know that he was convincing enough to fool El Apasionado Caballero, but man was this awkward. Romano was sure that he could feel a draft on his butt and the French officer looked like he was enjoying this far too much. He shivered; it was rather cold with so little clothing.

"Er, I don't mean to discourage you, but are you sure this will work?" Officer Germany asked. "For one thing, the original statue is made of white stone, and you're clearly not…"

"Hey, when I want your opinion, wurst dick, I'll ask for it," Romano growled. "Anyway, that guy's almost as much of a moron as you, so I'll have no trouble fooling him even if I don't look exactly like the original."

"I'm sorry, Detective Vargas, but I have to agree with Germany," Finland said. "Even the most inattentive person is bound to notice something like that. Why don't you put your clothes back on and we'll just surround the statue so he can't get near it? You'll catch cold like that!"

"Shut up, all of you!" the detective snapped. "This'll definitely work so you can just keep your shitty ideas to yourself. Now go hide yourselves before he sees you and gets suspicious!"

Several of the officers, including Germany and Finland, sighed reluctantly and dragged their feet as they went to do as they were told. Romano glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw that there were only three minutes until El Apasionado Caballero was supposed to show up. He decided it was probably wise if he spent that time putting up his mental defenses against the inevitable flamenco music and the way El Apasionado Caballero's eyes would undoubtedly fix hungrily upon him (because the thief was a pervert and reacted that way to every scantily clad thing he saw, not because he would know that it was Romano standing before him). If El Apasionado Caballero put another one of those creepy pervert spells on him and he had a below-the-waist reaction, the skimpy little piece of cloth wouldn't be enough to cover everything. Romano was starting to feel a tad light-headed from blushing so hard.

Three minutes dragged by like frozen molasses. Romano adjusted his strap-on angel wings nervously, and double checked that he hadn't dropped his handcuffs, even though they were pressed under his arm where he could easily feel them. Suddenly there was a soft scraping and creaking sound from somewhere overhead. Romano's eyes strained through the darkness, trying to see what was causing the sound, but it was over before he could determine its source and something was being lowered to the floor from high up on the wall opposite him, carefully and using a rope.

It wasn't until a familiar dark figure leapt out of the small space he had just and landed gracefully on the ground that Romano realized that the sound had been made when El Apasionado Caballero unscrewed the covering on the vent. He swallowed hard and ordered his body not to tremble or sweat or blush or anything else that might give him away. Currently he was doing all three.

That was when El Apasionado Caballero began to play his introductory music on his guitar. Romano had never actually witnessed him playing before; he had always played the music and then made his appearance. The detective had only his imagination to provide images of what El Apasionado Caballero might look like as he strummed his instrument. But seeing the real thing revealed that Romano's imagination was underperforming.

El Apasionado Caballero swayed gently to the music, his head tilted back a bit, a large, confident smile on his face. Romano swallowed hard as he watched nimble, gloved fingers danced across the strings. When Romano saw him play that guitar so expertly, he couldn't help wondering where else those talented fingers might be able to produce satisfying results. He bit back a curse as he realized that he had already been placed under El Apasionado Caballero's pervert spell. A hurried glanced down at the growing bulge in the cloth around his waist confirmed this.

Before Romano could even attempt to do anything to fix his body's humiliating reaction, the introductory song was over.

"It's awfully quiet again tonight," El Apasionado Caballero commented. "I wonder if maybe my cute little tomato couldn't finish all his preparations to meet me tonight on such short notice…"

Oh, ye of little faith. Didn't El Apasionado Caballero know better than to doubt Romano's quick prep abilities by now? Romano almost scoffed aloud but caught himself just in time.

"Maybe I could wait a bit in case he's running a little late," El Apasionado Caballero mused. "I wanted to eat my churros anyway."

Romano fought the urge to roll his eyes. El Apasionado Caballero didn't usually talk to himself like this, did he? Romano wouldn't put it past him, he supposed. The guy had always struck him as being a bit mental. On the other hand, what if this meant that he already knew exactly what was going on and that he was being watched? El Apasionado Caballero took out his Ziploc bag of churros and began to munch on them noisily.

Romano decided that he had been giving the idiot thief way too much credit by wondering if he knew what was happening. He was cold and uncomfortable and his muscles were starting to tire from holding this unnatural pose; it was time to nudge the thief into action. Romano cleared his throat quietly to get his attention.

It seemed that El Apasionado Caballero was unable to hear him over his own munching and crunching because the sound didn't even cause him to bat an eye. So Romano cleared his throat a bit louder. There was still no response. Romano coughed as loudly as he could without hurting himself, and finally the idiot thief stopped stuffing his face and looked around curiously.

"That's strange…" he mumbled. "I could have sworn I heard someone cough just now…"

That was when El Apasionado Caballero's eyes fell on the statue that he was meant to be targeting and, though Romano couldn't see because of the partial darkness and the mask over the thief's face, went wide and round as fifty-cent pieces. Romano could feel his cheeks heating up again as El Apasionado Caballero stepped forward hesitantly, fingers raised in wonder as he neared his target. Suddenly he was beginning to have his doubts about whether this had been as crafty a plan as he had initially thought.

El Apasionado Caballero finally stopped, almost nose to nose with Romano. The detective swallowed thickly and tried to order his body to stop reacting to this closeness so noticeably. His heart was pounding so loudly against his ribcage that he feared El Apasionado Caballero could hear it. It didn't help in the slightest when the thief's eyes raked over him, scrutinizing him intently, pausing on the bulge in the cloth around his waist.

Romano might have been able to deal with all of this somehow if El Apasionado Caballero hadn't proceeded to reach out and touch him. He felt his already pounding heart go into overdrive when gentle gloved fingers reached up and touched his cheek softly. Before he could stop himself, Romano's eyes squeezed shut when El Apasionado Caballero's fingers traced lightly down the side of his neck, across his collarbone, down his chest, over his nipple, along his ribs, all the way to the curves of his hipbone.

Romano let out an involuntary shuddering breath, wondering if El Apasionado Caballero would continue past the strip of cloth around his waist. His erection was growing more pronounced and he was almost certain that El Apasionado Caballero would be able to see something he shouldn't. El Apasionado Caballero, for his part, didn't look nervous or uncomfortable at all. He just continued to stare at Romano reverently, his hand leaving Romano's waist and coming up instead to run along his arms and wings.

"This… this is the most beautiful artwork I've ever seen," the thief breathed, and there was a twinkle in his eye that said he knew that the thing he was looking at was no sculpture.

If Romano had been capable of reddening any further than he already had, he would have done so upon hearing the sincerity in his voice. _He's messing with me,_ Romano told himself. _He knows it's me and now he's just screwing with my head._ Well Romano wasn't going to stand for that. He'd posed in this ridiculous getup for long enough. It was time to make his arrest. Trying to move so quickly that El Apasionado Caballero wouldn't have time to react, Romano dropped his bow and arrow and began to reach under his arm for the handcuffs he had been concealing there.

The detective's own clumsiness ended up foiling his plan; he accidentally dropped the handcuffs with what sounded to him like an earsplitting clatter. El Apasionado Caballero hardly seemed to notice. He was too busy scooping Romano into his arms. Romano began to kick and squirm, but then he saw the hungry gaze El Apasionado Caballero was aiming at him, and how the redness in the thief's face had spread beyond the point where he could hide it behind his mask. Romano looked down at himself and gave a rather unmanly squeak when he realized that the flimsy piece of cloth had slipped from around his waist and was now curled pointlessly around his stomach. He curled himself into a ball, covering his exposed body the best that he could and aimed a punch at El Apasionado Caballero's face.

"Kidnapping!" Romano screeched. "Pervert! Molestation! Dammit, get your fucking asses in here and save me, you useless bastards!"

But this time, El Apasionado Caballero wasn't wasting any time trying to show off for anyone. He was obviously intent on making a serious getaway for once. By the time the officers began spilling into the room, El Apasionado Caballero had already shot his grappling hook onto the ledge of a high-up window and was halfway out it and into the surrounding trees.

Meanwhile, Romano was clutching onto El Apasionado Caballero's suit coat as tightly as he could, hiding his face in the crook of the thief's neck. He had never been especially fond of heights, but the fact that they were moving so quickly through the trees absolutely terrified him. Romano didn't trust El Apasionado Caballero not to drop him or run into something.

"S-stop, you bastard," he sobbed. "I'll…I'll h-head-butt you!"

"Sorry, Romano, but I can't stop now," El Apasionado Caballero said sympathetically. "There's still one stubborn officer on our tail and I need to talk to you."

Someone had been able to keep up with El Apasionado Caballero's breakneck speed? Romano couldn't help being deeply surprised. The officers who accompanied him on these jobs had never been any help before. Who was suddenly making himself useful? Romano took a deep breath and peered over El Apasionado Caballero's shoulder.

Germany was following them on the ground, weaving through the trees with a speed and agility that Romano would never have expected from someone so fat and ugly. Romano's heart sank. Naturally, he wanted to be saved from whatever unpleasantness El Apasionado Caballero had in store for him, but that didn't mean he wanted that stinky potato bastard to be the one to do it. He didn't think his pride would have been able to survive such a blow.

To Romano's terror, El Apasionado Caballero chose that moment to put on an even greater burst of speed. If Romano hadn't been so busy sobbing in fear into the thief's chest, he would have seen Germany falling farther and farther behind. When El Apasionado Caballero was confident that he had lost him, he began to slow down and finally dropped down from the trees and into a clearing. He set Romano carefully on the ground, panting. Romano was so relieved that they weren't hurtling through the trees anymore that he just curled up on the ground, shivering.

"You ok, my little tomato?" El Apasionado Caballero asked softly, crouching at his side and stroking his hair comfortingly once he had caught his breath. "I'm sorry if that scared you."

"Damn r-right it did, y-you bastard," Romano sniffled. "What if you'd d-dropped me, asshole?"

"I would never drop you, Romano," he assured him. "I was holding on as tight as I could."

When Romano continued to shiver, El Apasionado Caballero unbuttoned his fancy jacket and helped him into it. The detective couldn't help being surprised by this. He knew what a pervert the thief was; he was sure that El Apasionado Caballero would have wanted to keep him wearing as little as possible as long as possible. El Apasionado Caballero tried to pull him into his arms, but Romano swatted him away, albeit more weakly than he had intended to do. The thief sighed in disappointment, and gave Romano a little time to collect himself before he began to speak again.

"Romano… on Friday, I, uh… I confessed my love to you," El Apasionado Caballero began, sounding more nervous than Romano had ever heard him. "You didn't give me an answer, so I thought maybe you needed some time to think about it. I just… wanted to know if you'd given it any thought yet."

Romano started and looked up at him in shock. "That… that's why you dragged my ass all the way out here? Because of that?"

El Apasionado Caballero smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, yeah. I was really anxious to hear your answer, so I thought I would set up another caper tonight. I wondered if I should give you some more time, but I was too excited to wait any longer."

Romano blushed and looked down at his bare feet. "That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard."

El Apasionado Caballero shrugged. "People often tell me that I'm recklessly burning with passion. That's actually part of how I chose my thief name. Pretty cool, don't you think?"

"Moron," Romano mumbled half-heartedly. "What the hell kind of reply is that?"

An awkward silence descended upon them. El Apasionado Caballero watched Romano expectantly and Romano shuffled uncomfortably under his gaze. He wanted more than anything to say "Don't be such a dumb ass; a detective can't love a thief. And anyway, you piss me off so get out of my face", but for some reason, the words wouldn't come out.

"So, um, what do you think?" El Apasionado Caballero asked finally.

Romano sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Listen, because I'm only gonna say this once: I don't believe in love, ok?"

"Eh? But why not?" El Apasionado Caballero gasped, looking heartbroken.

The detective kicked uneasily at some of the dead leaves underfoot. He didn't want to talk about this, especially not with this bastard of all people. But suddenly, he felt his lips moving and words spilling out and he couldn't stop himself from replying.

"I used to think it was real, back when I was a naïve kid, but there were some people I thought I didn't hate and they stabbed me in the back and went for my brother instead. They acted like they wanted me but really they just wanted him. Even… even my parents preferred him. Anyway, the whole love thing is a bunch of bullshit and I don't even know why I'm telling this to you, because you'd probably do the same thing if you met my brother and your stupid face pisses me off."

El Apasionado Caballero was silent for a moment, frozen and motionless, and for a split second, Romano wondered if he'd broken him somehow. Then something slid down from beneath the thief's mask and dripped from his chin, pattering softly on the dirt and leaves. It took Romano a moment to realize that it had been a tear, and that there were a whole lot more where that had come from. The detective was bewildered.

"Wh-what the hell are you crying for?" he demanded.

"Romano… I had no idea, you… That's… that's so sad! Poor Romano! Now I understand why you… Oh, Romano! I'm so, so sorry!"

El Apasionado Caballero threw his arms around Romano in a bear hug, squishing the air right out of him.

"Let go, you bastard! I can't breathe!" Romano choked. "And you're not making any fucking sense! Why the hell are you apologizing? Quit crying! It's creepy!"

"Romano, my sweet little tomato," El Apasionado Caballero sniffled. "I've always loved you and only you with all of my heart! There's never been anyone else since the first time I met you!"

The stupid thing was that Romano could feel his own eyes starting to tear up again. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't even care about this idiot at all! And why did his stomach and chest feel so weird?

"S-stop crying, dumb ass," Romano croaked as tears spilled down his cheeks anew. "S-stop it or I'll k-kick you!"

"I can't help it," El Apasionado Caballero muttered. "When I think about how lonely you must be, it breaks my heart. When was the last time my cute little detective heard 'I love you more than anyone else in the world' from someone who really meant it?"

Romano said nothing, but he couldn't recall anyone ever having said such a thing to him before. For some reason, more tears trickled down his cheeks at this, sliding down El Apasionado Caballero's neck where his face was still hidden. El Apasionado Caballero pressed a kiss into his hair when a stifled sob fought its way from Romano's lips.

"Don't worry, Romano," he whispered. "I'll say it every time we meet to make up for all the times you deserved to hear that and didn't, ok?"

"I don't wanna hear it," Romano replied in a slightly congested voice. "'Specially not from a stupid ass like you."

The thief seemed unperturbed by this response. He simply sniffled and pulled away from him slightly, took a handkerchief from his pocket and gently dried Romano's tears, then turned his back so he could lift his mask and dry his own.

"What can I do to convince you?" El Apasionado Caballero asked. "I'll prove my love for you is real! Name anything you want and I'll do it!"

Romano was silent. "Whether love is real or not, which it's not, I don't give a shit about you. Go away," was what his mind was screaming at him to say. His heart was pounding and his stomach felt sick. He just wanted to go home and pretend none of this had ever happened but his feet wouldn't move. Perhaps he would just ask for something outrageous. Then El Apasionado Caballero wouldn't be able to do it, Romano's disbelief in love would be reaffirmed and he could stop feeling so confused over all of this.

"Fine then," Romano said finally. "If you love me, then take off your mask and show me who you are."

El Apasionado Caballero looked startled. "T-take off my mask?"

"Trust is part of love, right?" Romano demanded. "You can't say you love me unless you'd trust me with something important, like your identity."

El Apasionado Caballero wanted to take it off; he really did. He just couldn't. It wasn't that he didn't trust Romano, it was that he was afraid of what Romano's reaction would be when he found out who he was. He hadn't managed to begin to mend Romano's hard feelings toward his true identity yet, and unmasking himself prematurely could permanently ruin any chance he had with him. Then again, if he refused, Romano would count that as more evidence toward his belief that there was no such thing as love. El Apasionado Caballero knew he needed to tread carefully here.

"Sorry, Romano, but can I have a little more time? I don't think the time is quite right yet."

Romano's face contorted into an expression of hurt covered over by anger, though there was no surprise in his gaze. "I knew you wouldn't do it. You're so full of shit."

"I'm not saying I won't do it," El Apasionado Caballero said hurriedly. "There are just a few things I have to take care of first. Then I promise I will reveal my identity to you. Please be patient, ok, my sweet little tomato?"

"Whatever," Romano mumbled. "I don't care."

* * *

Germany, who had been wandering the area for the last few minutes, trying desperately to locate the thief and his captive, froze when what sounded like a voice reached his ears. He stopped moving, and strained to pick up the noise again.

"Whatever. I don't care."

That was Romano's voice, no doubt about it. It was coming from nearby. Yes, there they were; he could see them now. One figure obviously belonged to Romano, and a closer look confirmed that he was with the thief. Strangely, Romano seemed to be making no effort to get away. Maybe El Apasionado Caballero was using some sort of intimidation tactic to get him to stay put? But Romano's voice hadn't sounded frightened…

Germany crept through the crunchy dead leaves as quietly as he could, intending to listen and watch so that he could get a better understanding of what was going on. When he thought he was close enough, the blond officer hid himself behind a tree and peeked around the side, watching them. Then he saw something that shocked him. El Apasionado Caballero leaned forward and kissed Romano on the cheek.

"I love you, Romano," he said softly. "I'll prove it to you soon enough."

Germany's mouth fell open. This was the last kind of thing he'd expected to walk in on. Did this mean that they were in cahoots? Was it possible that Romano had been allowing the thief to escape all this time on purpose?

Germany could hardly imagine that it could be true. Romano had seemed to genuinely want to catch him, and he didn't strike Germany as the type of guy who would be very good at putting up a front. Perhaps he was misunderstanding the situation. He needed to see what Romano's reaction would be before he drew any conclusions. This was his beloved Italy's brother after all, and even if Romano was hot-tempered and rude, Germany wanted to believe that he wasn't corrupt.

"Hmph. I'm waiting, you bastard. N-not that I care or anything! It just makes my life a lot less complicated when I know I'm right!"

Germany's jaw dropped. The Romano he thought he knew would have punched the thief for pulling something like that, but he had sounded almost hopeful just now. At this point, it seemed like he had two options. His first choice was to keep his mouth shut and not get his boyfriend's brother in what would undoubtedly be a whole world of trouble, even though he knew that Romano was doing something very wrong. The other choice was to tell on him, which was the morally sound option, but would result in Romano losing his job and going to jail, in addition to upsetting Italy. Germany rubbed a hand over his face wearily, having a feeling that this moral dilemma was going to keep him awake tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

The day after El Apasionado Caballero promised to prove his love to Romano, Spain made his first personal appearance at Romano's house in months. Romano, who hadn't been expecting him, had even answered the door when he rang the bell. His eyes went wide when he saw Spain standing there, smiling hopefully, a bottle of Romano's favorite wine in one hand and his favorite chocolate in the other.

"Romano… I'm so glad you're home and that you answered the door!" Spain said, sound slightly breathless. "I was kind of worried you'd ignore me again!"

Romano, who wasn't feeling especially well that day, simply stared at him blankly, his brain struggling to decide on the best course of action. His instinct was to slam the door in his face, but something gave him pause as he took in Spain's appearance for the first time in so long. He had never really thought about it before, but Spain kind of looked like El Apasionado Caballero. They had the same general build, the hair style and color was similar, even their eyes were almost the same color. Huh, what a weird coincidence.

"…What the hell do you want?" Romano asked grumpily. He'd tried to put more snarl in his voice, but his throat was sore and it had come out just sounding sort of sullen.

"I just wanted to talk to you a little," Spain said. "Maybe we could go inside?"

"No way, I know what'll happen if I let you in," Romano scoffed. "You'll refuse to leave unless I call the cops on your stupid ass. Actually, I don't wanna see that fucking idiotic face of yours at all. Looking at it is making me sick."

Romano began to close the door, but Spain stuck his foot in the way, blocking it. The detective tried to kick him in the shin hard enough so that he would pull it away in pain, but Spain was determined.

"Wait! Please, Romano, just hear me out! I'm not interested in Ita!"

"The fuck you're not! You said it right in front of me! Did you think I was deaf and wouldn't hear it? Now get your damn foot out of the door or I'll break it!"

"I just said he was cute! That doesn't mean I prefer him! You're a thousand times cuter, Romano! A million times cuter! I love you more than anyone else in the world!"

Those final words caused Romano to freeze. Was it his mind playing tricks on him, or were those the exact words El Apasionado Caballero had said to him last night?

"What… was that last thing you just said?" Romano asked.

"Um… I love you more than anyone else in the world?" Spain repeated, looking as though he was kind of afraid he'd said something wrong.

Romano stared at him long and hard. He had heard correctly the first time; those were, without a doubt, the exact same words he had heard from El Apasionado Caballero. What did this mean? Did they know each other? Had Spain followed him on the job and heard him say it, gotten jealous and was now trying to sway him with the enemy's words? Then again, it wasn't a particularly unusual turn of phrase. Perhaps it was just another coincidence.

"What, so you think you can just say some nice words and I'll fall into your arms?" Romano sniffed. "Think again, dumb ass. If you expect me to believe it, I gotta see proof. Not that it'll make any difference now; I've got so many people beating down my door to prove their love for me, I don't have time for stupid bastards who already ruined their chances. Now go away; I'm busy."

Romano tried to close the door again, but Spain's foot was still blocking it.

"What kind of proof do you want?" Spain asked. "Please, Romanito. I'll do anything."

"How the hell should I know?" Romano griped. "If you really give a shit about me, I'm sure you'll think of something."

With that, Romano pushed Spain's foot out of the way and slammed the door in his face. Spain blinked at the off-white barrier that now separated him and his true love for a moment before it swung open again. Romano snatched the wine and chocolate from him and slammed the door once more. Spain didn't know what to make of this. He couldn't say that that confrontation had gone especially well, but he hadn't really expected it to.

Actually, it had gone better than he had expected. He had at least been able to get a few words in before Romano shut the door on him. Not only that, but Romano had accepted his gifts, hadn't completely shut him down and though Spain had taken a risk by repeating what he had said last night as El Apasionado Caballero, Romano hadn't seemed all that suspicious of him. Could he take this to mean that he was victorious? Filled with renewed hope, Spain got back into his car, whistling a happy tune.

* * *

On the day that Romano received El Apasionado Caballero's next calling card a week later, he had had every intention of staying home from work. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so awful; perhaps it hadn't been since he'd broken his leg saving Spain's sorry ass. The thermometer beeped, signaling that it had gotten a read on his temperature, and he took it out of his mouth to stare at it blearily. Thirty-nine degrees Celsius (approx. 102 degrees Fahrenheit); no wonder he felt like shit.

Romano snatched a tissue from the box on his bedside table and muffled what felt like his hundredth sneeze since he'd awoken half an hour ago. He was no doctor, but he was pretty sure he had the flu. Such was his misery that he could hardly even appreciate the fact that he had a legitimate reason to skip work (as opposed to the fake ones he usually gave when he didn't feel like going in). Romano coughed and groped around on the table for his cell phone so that he could call himself in sick.

He had just selected the number from speed dial and brought the phone up to his ear when a man's voice, apparently a recording, began to speak to him. Romano didn't even realize who that voice belonged to until the man identified himself at the end of the recording.

"I will be stealing the necklace of Queen Alexandria IV from the Chiarina City Exhibition Hall tonight at 9. Love, El Apasionado Caballero."

Then the phone began to ring, connecting him to the number he had originally dialed. If he'd had the presence of mind, he would have voiced his disgust that it was Officer France who answered (even though he'd called England's secretary, Seychelles), but as it was, it took Romano a full second or so to even remember why he'd called.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Apparently Romano was breathing heavily into the phone while he tried to gather his thoughts because France's next line was "If you called for phone sex, you'll have to call back at my personal number. As much as the idea of doing it at work in front of my boss's office excites me, I do value my job."

Romano was so run down that he didn't even have the energy to snap at France to die in a fire for that disgusting comment.

"It's Detective Vargas," he croaked. "I feel like shit so I'm not coming to work today."

"I'm honestly sorry to hear that," France said. "It's a lot more difficult to reconstruct your delectable appearance in that Cupid costume from last week in my mind without you standing in front of me. I suppose I shall just have to jerk off under my desk to something else today."

"There was something else…" Romano continued, hardly having heard France's comment over the throbbing of his own head. "What was it…?"

"Eh…? You're… you're really going to let that go without cussing me out?" France asked in genuine surprise. "Hey, are you ok? You're not dying, are you?"

"I might be." Romano sneezed again and blew his nose. "Ugh, fucking flu…"

"Wait right there; Big Brother will come over and take care of you," France offered, a sly tone in his voice.

"I don't need you, perverted bastard," Romano wheezed. "Anyway, quit distracting me. There was something important I was supposed to… Oh yeah, that damn thief is stealing some necklace from the exhibition hall at nine tonight."

"El Apasionado Caballero, eh? The detective's illicit love interest."

"Sh-shut the hell up… What the hell do you know anyway…"

"I'm French, mon cher. I know love when I see it, and the two of you obviously have it bad for each other. Do you intend to allow someone else to go after your lover tonight while you are out sick? I hear Officer Germany has been itching to take control of this case."

Romano squeezed his burning eyes shut and pushed his sweaty bangs wearily back from his feverish face. He had never missed one of El Apasionado Caballero's capers. Was he seriously going to let someone else take over for this one, especially that damn potato bastard of all people? His pride said "hell no", his aching, bone-tired body said "why not?", and his heart was leaning ever so slightly toward his pride's opinion. What kind of detective would he be if he just left this up that macho potato?

"The hell I'm letting that happen. I'll sleep all day and by the time nine comes, I'll be able to catch that shitty thief like normal. Tell that potato bastard to go fuck himself."

"If you're sure, mon ami," France said, examining his nails. "Do you want me to come and pick you up tonight? I don't think it would be wise for you to drive yourself if you're as sick as you sound."

Had it been anyone but his best friend that Romano was chasing, France would never have nudged Romano into making his usual appearance tonight when he was clearly very ill. But Spain had been pining for Romano for so long, and France thought perhaps Spain could use Romano's current state to his advantage in the game of trying to win his heart. He felt a bit guilty about manipulating the detective, but it was in the name of love, which made it ok in his book.

"F…fine," Romano mumbled.

France winced and held the phone away from his ear when the detective began coughing loudly and painfully.

"Then I shall pick you up at your place at 8:40. Be ready by then."

"Yeah, yeah… Whatever."

"Have a good rest, mon ami."

Romano snapped his cell phone shut. Why was his room so cold? He wanted to go get himself another blanket and maybe some hot coffee, but just stumbling into the bathroom attached to his bedroom to get the thermometer had been such a draining chore that simply thinking of the distance between his room and the kitchen exhausted him.

If only there were someone who cared about him enough to be willing to drop what they were doing and come attend to his every need. Spain's face drifted across his thoughts. Spain was an idiot, but he was good about following orders and playing fetch; Romano had already experienced his passable service when his leg had been broken. But he couldn't just call him up and ask him to come over. That would be too awkward. Besides, if Spain loved him as much as he claimed to then he should know instinctively when Romano needed him.

Romano sighed wearily, aggravating his sore, scratchy throat and sending himself into a coughing fit. The thought of calling El Apasionado Caballero also occurred to him briefly, but he had no idea how to contact him and knew that the thief couldn't risk coming out in broad daylight. Romano pulled his knees up to his chest and closed his eyes. Perhaps he would just call Italy. He could bring over some of that delicious tomato soup from his café.

Romano decided that he would ask his brother just as soon as he could muster the energy to open his eyes and press his speed dial number. He just needed to take a little breather and then he would do it. Mere moments later, Romano had drifted into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Romano didn't know what time it was when that infernal light pierced his eyelids. He moaned and tried to sniffle, but his nose was completely stuffed up and he just ended up coughing hoarsely. Wanting to escape the harsh light, Romano tried to burrow into his sweat-damp blankets, but it seemed that the person who had turned on the lights had other plans for him. To his relief, his unwelcome visitor didn't pull the blankets away, but he did start to shake him gently.

"Romano," a man's voice addressed him softly. "Big Brother is here to pick you up. Wake up or we're going to be late for our meeting with El Apasionado Caballero."

"G' 'way," Romano croaked. "'M sleepin'."

The blankets were peeled away from him, and Romano clamped his eyes shut against the glare. France laid a hand on Romano's forehead and frowned.

"Maybe we should forget it for tonight," he muttered, mostly to himself. "Your fever feels pretty serious."

"…No…" Romano said. "I can't let that… that stupid… that damn potato… I have to be… If I'm not there, that stupid thief will think… Help me up…"

France couldn't help smiling slightly. As foul-mouthed and dishonest with his own feelings as Romano was, he sure was cute sometimes. _He'd be even cuter if he was mine… Ah, but this love is just too sweet to get in the way of_, France thought. _You owe me big time, Spain, you lucky bastard._

"Stay in bed and let Big Brother take care of everything," he ordered. "I'll see that you still get to keep your meeting with your beloved thief."

With that, France stood from where he had been seated on the edge of Romano's bed and made to leave, digging his cell phone out of his pocket as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

"Where are you…? G-get back here, you bastard…"

But it was too late; France was gone. Romano gritted his teeth. If that jerk of a pervert wasn't going to help him get to the exhibition hall, Romano would just have to get himself there somehow. He thought he could make it if he just took things slow. The first thing he needed to do was put on his uniform.

Romano rolled out of bed and put his feet on the floor. The detective regretted it instantly as his head began to spin ferociously. _It was so bad that he almost called it quits right then and there. I can't give up,_ Romano told himself stubbornly. _What if tonight's the night he's going to show me what he looks like under his mask? Knowing that chicken shit bastard, he probably won't… Even if he does, I bet he's butt-ugly… Not that that matters since I'm just going to arrest him! Either way, I can't let that fucking potato dick take over his investigation!_

With renewed determination, Romano forced himself unsteadily to his feet.

* * *

El Apasionado Caballero looked up at the towering exhibition hall before him with a cocksure smile. Things had been busy lately; he'd had a string of stage performances last week that had kept him from this job. It felt good to don the old thieving costume again. And he couldn't wait to see what kind of trap Romano had waiting for him this time. He hoped it was as sexy as the last one. It'd taken all his willpower not to jump the detective right there in the gallery.

The thief was just about to shoot his grappling hook up to the roof when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Curious, El Apasionado Caballero dug it out. There was a text from France. _Change of plans. Don't bother with the exhibition hall—Romano is waiting for you at his house. Hurry._

This puzzled El Apasionado Caballero. Why would Romano be at this house? He had always seemed so eager to face him and show off his new traps wherever El Apasionado Caballero dictated. Was he tired of their little game of cat and mouse? Would he demand to know his identity tonight once and for all? And why did he need to hurry?

Well, if France said that was what he needed to do, then El Apasionado Caballero would do it. France was his friend, after all, and he trusted him. El Apasionado Caballero slipped his phone back into his pocket and set his course for Romano's house.

* * *

It was useless. No matter how he tried, Romano couldn't stand up again, even if he tried to pull himself up using the wall. He had simply expended all his energy. It was so cold to be only half dressed and without his blankets. Romano had been trying to pull on his uniform as he made his way to the door, but he had still been fumbling with the buttons when his knees had given out on him. His hat was lying on the floor a few inches away and he'd forgotten his pants in his closet.

Romano wondered if he was late. Probably; he felt as though he'd been lying here forever. Would El Apasionado Caballero even bother waiting for him or would he just steal the necklace and not even notice that he was missing? Romano shivered and sneezed several times in quick succession. He needed a tissue but he couldn't get up and get one. That stupid bastard France had just gone and left him. What was going to happen to him? Would he die in his own house, too weak and sick to get himself the things he needed to survive?

Romano was so busy fretting over the possibility of a really pathetic and embarrassing death that he didn't even hear the sound of the front door opening and closing. In fact, he didn't realize that he was no longer alone until warm hands took hold of his shoulders and turned him face-up, simultaneously pulling him closer so that his head rested in the intruder's lap. Suddenly he found himself looking up into a very familiar-looking half-black, half-white-masked face.

"Romano… are you ok? What happened?" El Apasionado Caballero asked worriedly. He cupped the detective's cheek gently and gasped at the severity of the heat that radiated from it. "Oh, my poor, sweet little tomato! You're burning up! Don't tell me you were going to come and meet me like this?"

Romano wanted to tell him that of course he'd been planning to come and what kind of shoddy detective did he think he was, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything when his throat was hurting so badly. Instead, he just clutched weakly at El Apasionado Caballero's slacks. The thief scooped him into his arms and stood with him. Romano's eyes slipped shut in relief, his arms curling hesitantly around El Apasionado Caballero's warm body. He wasn't warm enough to keep Romano from shivering, but it was a definite improvement from being on the floor.

"Why don't we forget about that necklace and get my cute little tomato detective back into bed where he belongs?" El Apasionado Caballero suggested softly, kissing the shell of his ear.

Romano would have blushed if his fever hadn't already made his face scarlet. Once again, El Apasionado Caballero was abandoning a treasure for his sake. What kind of thief cared more about the person who was trying to arrest him than the valuables he was trying to steal? El Apasionado Caballero was an utter failure of a thief if ever Romano had seen one. He intended to tell him that, but he was just so tired. Romano rested his cheek on the thief's shoulder and sighed shakily.

El Apasionado Caballero carried Romano into his room and lowered him into a chair so that he could change the clammy, sweat-damp blankets on the bed for fresh ones. He was just lifting the pile to take to the laundry room when something small and metallic fell from them with a soft clink. El Apasionado Caballero crouched down to examine the item. It was his tomato-shaped cloak fastener, the one Romano had ripped from his costume a few weeks ago. Did Romano sleep with it? El Apasionado Caballero couldn't help smiling at the thought.

Once the new sheets were in place, El Apasionado Caballero went to help Romano back into bed. He paused when he realized that the detective was still half-wearing his uniform. That wouldn't do. He laid Romano on the bed and dug a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt out of the closet.

El Apasionado Caballero brought the garments back to Romano who had already dozed off, and swallowed hard, the color rising in his cheeks as he took in the detective's appearance. He hadn't really noticed before because he'd been so worried, but Romano was half-naked right now. The only things he was wearing were a pair of boxers and his dressy police jacket which was completely open. If he factored in Romano's flushed, velvety skin, prone position and the fact that he was asleep, and he was even more irresistible that usual. How easy would it be to take advantage of this situation?

El Apasionado Caballero fantasized about this for a moment until Romano sneezed, jerking him back to reality. He shook his head vigorously as if to clear all the impure thoughts from it. What on earth was wrong with him, thinking of such a thing when his true love was so sick and in need of his help? The only thing he should be taking advantage of right now was this opportunity to earn some points in Romano's book. Reining in his desires, El Apasionado Caballero dressed Romano carefully and pulled the sheets up to his chin.

Romano's eyelids fluttered open when El Apasionado Caballero smoothed his hair away from his face for him and his eyes scanned the ceiling dazedly. El Apasionado Caballero took his hand and squeezed it gently. Romano turned his face towards him, then frowned faintly.

"You still here?" he wheezed.

"Of course, my little tomato," El Apasionado Caballero said with a small smile. "I came to take care of you."

Romano sighed and closed his eyes again. Somehow, this situation felt wrong and it was making him uneasy. But that didn't make sense; El Apasionado Caballero was once again showing him that he would turn his nose up at something that would bring him a heap of money in order to be there for him. That should have made him happy. But for some reason, there was only one person's name resounding in his head, and it wasn't the one that it should be, logically speaking.

"Is there anything you want me to bring you?" El Apasionado Caballero asked.

"S…Sp…" Romano mumbled the rest of the word so quietly that El Apasionado Caballero missed it.

"…Eh? What did you say, Romano?"

"I want… I w-want Spain…"

El Apasionado Caballero could hardly believe what he was hearing. Perhaps his ears were playing tricks on him.

"I want Spain…"

No, he'd said it again, and this time the thief heard him clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Romano was asking for his true identity. He felt as though his heart would burst with happiness.

"You want Spain, huh?" El Apasionado Caballero confirmed, grinning like a loon. "I see… I guess he's better than me, isn't he? And a thousand times cooler. And more handsome! Maaan, I don't stand a chance, do I?"

Romano's only reply was a deep and painful-sounding cough.

"I'll go get him, then," El Apasionado Caballero promised. "Hold on, my little tomato."

The thief turned, intending to wait until Romano fell asleep again before borrowing a pair of the baggiest clothes Romano owned (the normal sized stuff was a bit too tight and short for him) and changing identities. But then he realized that Romano was mumbling something just as his consciousness began to slip away again.

"Th…thanks…"

El Apasionado Caballero almost swooned, but caught himself just in time to preserve his smooth, charming image. Instead, his grin just widened.

"No, Romano, thank _you_," he whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Calling Spain to take care of him turned out to be exactly the right thing to do. He was just like a dog; good at fetch, loyal, and very eager to please. If Romano wanted tomato soup, Spain would gladly whip some up from scratch. If he ran out of tissues, Spain was all too happy to run to the store and get him another box. If his fever made him have bad dreams, Spain was always there to soothe him and hold his hand. Spain would even climb into bed with Romano to hold him and share his body heat when he was having trouble sleeping soundly. It galled the detective to admit it, even to himself, but Spain was a surprisingly competent and attentive caretaker. Sometimes Romano let him steal kisses as a reward for a job tolerably done.

Spain served him faithfully for a good three days, even after his own temperature began to rise when he started to come down with Romano's flu. Romano was pretty sure Spain would have continued to look after him had he not taken pity on him when he was shivering so badly that he almost spilled the coffee he had brought for Romano. The two of them spent the next day huddled in bed together, and after that point the detective had recovered enough to allow them to switch roles. Romano only gave him the time of day because he was a bit grateful for Spain's service, not out of any tender feelings toward him.

Meanwhile, the newspapers were in an uproar. Between the failed caper at the art museum (where El Apasionado Caballero had been content to steal Romano rather than the statue he'd been targeting) and the fact that he hadn't shown up for the job at the exhibition hall (when he had come to take care of Romano instead), the rumor mill was churning out theories like hotcakes. Romano couldn't help rolling his eyes at some of the theories because they were so ridiculous. Was this really what passed for news these days?

He supposed he could kind of understand why the papers were so interested in El Apasionado Caballero. After all, he was, as some people might say (people who weren't Romano), tall, dark and handsome, not to mention suave and mysterious. Then again, that was just people making stupid assumptions. No one had ever seen the man's face; for all they knew, he could be a dog.

In fact, the best picture anyone had ever taken of the thief was too distant and dark to really make out any defining features. Romano was willing to bet no one, not even the other members of the small police force he took with him on the jobs, had seen El Apasionado Caballero in as much detail as he had. Well, Romano could clear up some of the mystery about him; El Apasionado Caballero's looks were completely unremarkable. He put his paper down with a snort and went to see if Spain was awake for his next dose of medicine.

"Hey, dumb ass," Romano said as he entered his room. "Time for more medicine. Wake up or I'll shove the pills up your nose."

Spain hardly stirred. Annoyed, Romano approached him, intending to flick him in the ear as a punishment for ignoring him, but he stopped when he saw Spain's face. He was looking a lot better today; the feverish flush in his cheeks was diminishing, he wasn't sweating, and his shivering was hardly noticeable. His lips were still chapped, though, and he still had to breathe through his mouth to accommodate for his stuffy nose.

Romano knelt slowly at the side of the bed, watching Spain as he slept. He didn't know why the bastard didn't just go back to his own house. Romano had much more important things to do than to take care of an idiot like him. How much longer would he have to sacrifice his bed to him? Romano reached out hesitantly and laid a hand on Spain's forehead, trying to gage the severity of his fever. It was difficult to say; Romano had never been very good at estimating temperatures by touching with his hands. He was much more adept when he used his lips.

The detective blushed. He wasn't doing this because he wanted his lips anywhere near stupid Spain. He was doing it because he wanted to know if Spain's fever was almost gone so he would know when it was ok to kick his ass to the curb. Romano licked his lips nervously and carefully smoothed Spain's bangs aside. If Spain woke up while he had his lips to his forehead, he would obviously get all the wrong ideas. He'd better get this over with quickly.

Romano leaned in and touched his mouth shyly to Spain's skin. He was pretty sure there was still a slight fever there, but he was coming at him from kind of an awkward angle so it was difficult to tell. Romano shifted into a more natural position and hesitantly tried again. As he had thought, Spain was still a bit warm, but he thought there was a chance that it could be gone by tomorrow. It was about time, too! The sooner he got this stupid bastard out of his house the better.

Romano pulled away slowly, too preoccupied by the strange things his heart was doing to notice for a moment that Spain had awoken. When those big green eyes blinked dazedly at him, however, Romano jumped so badly that he tipped over gracelessly from his crouching position and landed on his butt. He scuttled away frantically, hitting his back hard against the wall in his desperation to put some distance in between them, his face glowing like the setting sun.

"R-Romano…" Spain croaked in hopeful disbelief. His hand drifted up to touch his forehead where he had felt the timid brush of Romano's lips.

"Asshole! P-pervert! It's not what you think!" Romano insisted. "Get that stupid smile off your face, dammit! I was tecking your chemperature! Ch-checking your temperature! So I'd know when I could get your stupid ass out of my fucking house, dammit! It's not what you think!"

Spain couldn't help smiling. Romano could give that excuse all he wanted, but he had felt Romano kiss him not once, but twice. And that thoroughly embarrassed reaction he was giving him after being caught only made it more adorable. Romano was looking around frantically for a quick means of escape, but the closest door led to the bathroom. It would have to do.

"L-looking at your dumb face made me have to take a giant shit!" Romano announced, stomping into the bathroom. He snatched the box of pills from the counter, the ones he'd been giving Spain to help with his flu symptoms, and threw them at his face as hard as he could before slamming the door. "Anyway, forget this even happened! It's all a dream, you bastard!"

Spain couldn't help laughing quietly as he picked up the pills and pushed two of them out of their plastic and foil casing and into his hand. He couldn't believe he was actually thinking this, but perhaps he was glad that he had gotten sick.

* * *

Germany, meanwhile, was feeling distinctly less upbeat about life in general. It had been almost two weeks since he had seen Romano and El Apasionado Caballero together, but he still hadn't decided what he was going to do about it. The fact that El Apasionado Caballero had failed to show up to his planned caper on the very day that Romano happened to be out sick had only served to strengthen his suspicions.

He had to figure out what to do quickly, preferably before El Apasionado Caballero sent out his next calling card (which, now that he thought about it, always went to Romano: yet another reason to be suspicious of him). So far, he hadn't mentioned his dilemma to anyone.

The blond officer finally reached Italy's café and glanced down at his watch. It was now a little bit past 10 PM which meant that the café was closed for the night. Luckily, the light was still on inside, meaning that Italy hadn't gone home for the night yet. Germany was relieved; no matter how lost or stressed or upset he was, he could always count on smiles, kisses, delicious food and a river of sympathy from his loving boyfriend to lighten his mood at least a little. He knocked on the glass door and waited.

After a second, Italy poked his head out of the backroom and smiled at the sight of his lover. He bounded over and unlocked the door to let him into the shop. As soon as Germany had crossed the threshold, Italy's arms were around him in an enthusiastic hug. A small, weary smile tugged at the corner of Germany's lips as he returned the embrace.

"I was hoping Germany would come see me tonight!" Italy chirped as he nuzzled his face into Germany's muscular chest. "I was just thinking about you!"

"I'm glad I was able to catch you before you went home," Germany muttered.

"But even if you didn't, Germany is always welcome to come over to my house. You could even spend the night if you wanted."

Germany blushed, but said nothing. Instead, he just stroked Italy's hair tiredly. Italy looked up at him, his cheerful expression morphing one of concern.

"Germany?" he said quietly. "What's wrong? You look tired and sad… Did you have a bad day?"

"I don't know if I would say it was a bad day…" Germany replied slowly. "Things at work have just been strange lately. I have a big decision I have to make, but neither choice is going to be pleasant…"

Italy stood on his tiptoes and kissed his lips softly. "Is it something you can talk to me about? Maybe I can help."

Germany frowned as he mulled this over. Perhaps he should talk to Italy about this; it concerned his brother after all. Then again, what if he ended up upsetting Italy in addition to himself? It would probably come as a surprise that his brother was fraternizing with a wanted criminal. Was it better not to make Italy think badly of his brother?

"Why don't I get us some cake and coffee and we can work it out together, ok?" Italy offered.

"I don't know, Italy…" Germany sighed. "If I tell you, I'm sure you'll be upset, too. The last thing I want is to see you cry."

Italy took Germany's hand and brought it to his cheek, nuzzling into it. "Germany is always strong for me when I need him to be. I'd like to be strong for Germany sometimes, too. That's what people do when they're in love, right?"

Germany supposed he could understand where Italy was coming from for once. He stroked Italy's cheek thoughtfully with his thumb.

"Maybe I'm stronger than Germany thinks," Italy suggested.

As soon as Italy said that, Germany couldn't help feeling a bit guilty. Though Italy often acted silly and childish and had the tendency to be a bit of a crybaby, he had shown remarkable strength in other situations. He was an adult and he didn't need Germany to shelter him from everything. Germany needed to trust in that.

"I'm sorry, you're… you're right," Germany admitted.

"Why doesn't Germany sit down over here and I'll be right back with some molten lava cakes and coffee, ok?" Italy said, ushering Germany over to a booth with a smile.

Germany slid into his seat to wait. Italy returned a few minutes later carrying a tray with two personal-sized chocolate cakes topped with fresh whipped cream and strawberry slices along with two steaming cups of coffee. He laid the treats out in front of them before sliding into the booth beside Germany. He took a spoon and dug into Germany's cake, letting the thick, warm chocolate sauce dribble out, and brought a bite-sized piece to his lover's lips. Germany accepted his assistance with a blush.

"I experimented with a new recipe I made up for these cakes," Italy explained brightly. "Do you like it?"

"Delicious," Germany hummed, accepting another bite. "The strawberries were a nice touch."

Italy grinned and kissed Germany's cheek before digging into his own dessert. "So, let's talk. I'll listen as close as I can!"

Germany added cream to his coffee and stirred it uneasily as he tried to decide how to best break the news to Italy. Perhaps it was best if he just came out and said it.

"There's a thief that the police are trying to capture right now named El Apasionado Caballero. You remember me telling you about him before?"

"Oh, he's the really tricky one, right?" Italy recalled. "The one that's in all the papers, the one Brother is in charge of catching."

"Yes, him… The truth is… last time he appeared, I… I saw him with your brother…"

"Romano is really looking forward to arresting him, isn't he? I'm glad he found something at work that he can be excited about! Brother is an agent of justice! It's so cool!"

"But the thing is, when I saw them together… Romano wasn't… he wasn't trying to catch him." Germany glanced over at Italy, wondering if he was starting to catch on to what he was trying to say.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that!" Italy trilled obliviously. "Romano tends to get distracted sometimes, but he gets the job done in the end!"

"That's not what I mean… When I saw them, El Apasionado Caballero was… well, he k-kissed him, actually, and then he said that he was going to prove his love to him… And Romano didn't yell at him or punch him or anything. He just… he just said that he'd be waiting."

Italy's eyes went wide and Germany let out a little sigh of relief that Italy understood. It felt good to have that off his chest. He just hoped Italy would be able to deal with the bomb he had just dropped on him. Then Italy did something very unexpected: he began to cheer and clap.

"I'm so happy for Romano! He finally found his special someone! Wow, I was really worried about him for a while there! I mean, Brother is a good guy deep down, but he has such a hard time letting people get close to him and being honest about his feelings that I was afraid he'd never let himself fall in love! I better go tell him congratulations!"

"This isn't something to be happy about!" Germany insisted. "The person your brother has chosen to fall in love with is a criminal! Not only that, but I think he might be helping El Apasionado Caballero commit his crimes! That means that your brother is also a criminal!"

Italy's smile dropped away as Germany's words sunk in.

"Are you ok with your brother being with a thief? Are you ok with him _being _one?"

Italy's brow furrowed in thought as he scooped some of the chocolate sauce from his cake and stirred it into his coffee. Then he took a long drink from it and set it down with a sigh. Germany cocked his head when Italy took his arm and snuggled into his side. Was he crying?

"You know, Germany, I would still love you if you were a thief." He looked up at Germany with wide, innocent amber eyes. "You would still love me too, right? If I was one?"

Germany considered this briefly, examining his own feelings. "Yes, I… I suppose I would. But I would certainly be conflicted about it."

"See? Just because someone makes a bad choice, doesn't mean you should push them away if you really love them," Italy said. "Brother might seem like a mean, uncaring person, but he just acts that way to protect himself from getting hurt again. He's been betrayed by so many people that he's loved and I think a lot of those times were because of me, even though I didn't mean to do anything wrong. If he's found someone that loves him and is willing to work to prove it to him even when he acts so grumpy and rude, I'm going to support him. As long as that person isn't hurting Romano, I'm going to cheer for them all the way. I want Brother to be happy."

"Italy…" Germany didn't know how to reply to that. It was touching, really. He supposed he shouldn't have been so surprised by this response. It was just so Italy-like in every way. "But… that still leaves me with the question of what to do. Do I do what I know is right and turn him in? If I do that, his life will be ruined, but the thefts might stop and we'll be closer to solving the case. Or do I just do nothing, let your brother keep his job and his dignity but let the stealing continue? I just don't know…"

"Isn't there a choice that won't hurt anyone?" Italy asked.

"Like what? Believe me, if I knew of one, I would definitely consider it."

"Like…" Italy tapped his spoon against his lips in thought. "What if you talked to your boss and asked him to take Romano off the case and ban him from coming to the building where El Apasionado Caballero is supposed to steal? Then Romano wouldn't be able to help him do bad things anymore, and Germany would have done something to fix the situation so he didn't have to feel guilty about letting it happen. If El Apasionado Caballero doesn't have Romano to help him anymore, he might stop stealing!"

"Stop stealing…? Don't you think you're being a little naïve?" Germany asked doubtfully.

"Won't you at least give it a try?" Italy begged. "I don't want Brother to go to jail!"

Germany sighed. Italy's idea wasn't completely ridiculous, and it was certainly the least destructive one he'd heard. Maybe it was worth a shot.

"Hmm… Maybe I could give that a try," Germany mused.

"Yay! Thank you, Germany! I love you!"

Even though the uneasiness in Germany's mind wasn't completely alleviated, he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he accepted Italy's kiss.

* * *

Romano gaped at his boss, England, unable to believe his ears.

"You're… you're taking me off the case?"

"Effective immediately," England confirmed.

This couldn't be happening! How could they do this to him? After all the hard work he had done, after all the progress he had made on this case and they were kicking him out? It didn't make any sense at all!

"Why?" he demanded. His fingers tightened around the calling card El Apasionado Caballero had left in the shower for him this morning (when he'd turned on the faucet, it came shooting out with a big puff of smoke)._ I will be stealing the Scepter of Anubis from the Chiarina City Historical Museum tonight at 9. Love, El Apasionado Caballero._ The calling card crumpled in his grip.

"Look, I know you probably have a lot invested in this case emotionally by now, but the number of stolen items is piling up," England said with a frown. "We can't allow this to continue. You haven't produced the results we need, so I have no choice but to assign someone else to the job."

Romano gritted his teeth, trying to bite back the surge of burning anger. Normally he was afraid of England, but right now he was just too pissed off. "Who? Who the hell thinks they can do this job better than me? I'm the one with all the experience in dealing with this bastard! I'm the one who gets the fucking calling cards! You bastards don't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell without me!"

"Now look here!" England snapped. "You're lucky you're not being sacked after all these failures! I'm taking pity on you and keeping you on the force even though I honestly can't think of a single bloody reason why I should do so! If you had the ability to catch El Apasionado Caballero, you would have done it already! Now get out of my office before I change my mind! And if I see so much as a loose hair of yours at the crime scene tonight, I really will sack you!"

Romano stared his boss down for a moment until his eyes began to fill with angry tears. Face flushing, Romano whirled around and stormed out of the office. He couldn't stand to be in this damn building right now; he decided that he would drop in on his brother's café and demand enough free sweets so that he could eat himself into oblivion. Normally alcohol would have been preferable, but free things were always better in Romano's book, especially considering his modest salary. He had just grabbed his coat from his office when he ran headlong into someone.

"Ow, fuck! Watch where I'm going, asshole!" Romano snarled, sniffling and wiping his eyes hurriedly on his sleeve.

"Sorry." Oh shit, it was that potato bastard. Of all the people he had to run into when he was crying, why did it have to be the one person to whom he was determined not to show any weakness? "Is… everything alright?"

"Mind your own damn business, ass-sniffing potato!" Romano shouted, shoving past him and stomping out the door.

Germany sighed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he watched the Italian's retreating back. He must have been told the news. Germany wasn't sure if he was surprised that Romano had taken it this way. Naturally, he'd expected him to be furious, but the tears were a bit unexpected. Even though he knew he'd done the least damage that he could have done while still kind of doing the right thing, Germany couldn't help feeling guilty. He hoped Romano wouldn't do anything stupid.

* * *

Italy looked up from the cake he was decorating when he heard bell over the door ring. To his surprise, his visitor turned out to be Romano. Italy glanced up at the clock.

"Brother! Welcome!" he greeted cheerfully. "I didn't expect to see you so early! I thought your lunch break wasn't until…"

He trailed off when he saw Romano wipe his eyes on his sleeve and heard him curse under his breath. Determined not to draw the attention of the other customers to himself in this pathetic state, Romano made his way quickly but quietly behind the counter, passing by Italy and stepping into the backroom. Italy set down his bag of icing and followed him.

"Brother? Are you ok?" Italy asked softly.

"They… they t-took me off the c-case…!" Romano choked, wiping his eyes alternately on either sleeve. "Th-those f-fucking bastards…! I know I s-screwed up… a lot of times, but…!"

"Romano…" Italy took Romano's hand and tugged him gently closer. Romano allowed the hug, continuing to rub his eyes. Why wouldn't the stupid tears just go away? "It'll be ok."

"The hell it will!" Romano barked, his voice cracking. "I… I don't h-have any way to get ah-hold of that s-stupid thief! If I don't show… what if… wh-what if he thinks I don't…!"

At that point, Romano became unable to hide his tears anymore. He let his forehead fall onto Italy's shoulder, hiding his face and biting his lip to muffle the sound as he sobbed. Italy rubbed his back comfortingly, letting him cry into his shirt.

As his most recent words echoed in his head, something suddenly occurred to Romano. How had he been planning to finish that last sentence? _"If I don't show, what if he thinks I don't care about him?"_ Did he actually _care _about El Apasionado Caballero? Surely not, right?

_I'm bawling like a fuckwad into Veneciano's shirt at the thought of never seeing him again. I can tell myself it's not true all I want, but in the end, I know it's about more than just catching him. He promised to prove that he loved me and I'm waiting for that proof like a naïve dumbass, and it's not because I just want to know that it's possible for someone to actually love me._

But if he cared about El Apasionado Caballero, where did that leave Spain? Spain, who had never given up on him, even after Romano had ignored him and thrown away his gifts and slammed the door in his face a hundred times. Spain, who had dropped everything earlier in the week to come wait on Romano hand and foot while he had the flu. Spain, from whom he had, ok yeah, stolen kisses yesterday morning, and cuddled together with when they'd both not been feeling well. Spain, whom he had tried so long to force himself to forget but simply couldn't.

If, by some unlikely chance, he and El Apasionado Caballero hooked up, what would happen to Spain? As much as it galled him to admit it, he abhorred the idea of leaving either one of them behind. Romano's heart was in turmoil and it only made him sob harder.

"There, there… Don't cry, Brother," Italy murmured. "Things will work out somehow. If you two are in love, there's a chance for a happy ending."

If Romano hadn't already been crying, he might have laughed doubtfully at Italy's optimistic statement. His current situation was more complicated than his brother even knew. Romano's troubles wouldn't be fixed simply by a happy ending with El Apasionado Caballero. He wanted to confide in Italy about his uncertainties, but he looked pathetic enough already by crying on his baby brother's shoulder. How much more pathetic would he look if he also had to ask him for advice? He was the older one, dammit. Italy should have been the one coming to him.

"Look, El Apasionado Caballero comes to your house all the time to leave his calling cards, right?" Italy continued. "So he obviously knows how to get in touch with you. If he's deeply enough in love with you to be willing to work to prove it, I'm sure he'll come to check on you when you don't show up."

Italy was probably right. That El Apasionado Caballero guy struck him as being almost as stubborn as Spain. He would probably get worried if Romano didn't show and come looking for him. Then he could tell the thief what had happened and there wouldn't be any misunderstandings. _Hold on a second…_ Suddenly Romano stopped crying. Italy had said something very interesting just now. He pulled away, sniffling as he dried his eyes at last.

"Hold on… how the hell did you know he said he'd prove that?" he asked

"Eh?" Italy's expression changed from comforting to "oops…" Something fishy was going on here. "Um, well…"

"You better not have been spying on us that time!" Romano warned. As soon as those words came out of his mouth, he realized how silly they were. What possible motive could Italy have for spying on them? And what would he even have been doing all the way out there by the art museum at night?

"No! No, I didn't spy on you! I swear!" Italy said frantically.

"Then how did you know? Don't tell me that damn thief comes and eats here, too?" That had to be it. Romano could think of no other way Italy could know. After all, only he and El Apasionado Caballero had been there to witness that conversation, and Romano was certain he hadn't mentioned it to Italy.

"I'm afraid to tell you," Italy whimpered. "You might try to hit Germany."

Romano's eyes went wide as Italy clapped his hands over his mouth in horror.

"You've gotta be shitting me!" he yelped. "That potato bastard saw us? _That's _why I'm getting thrown off the fucking case?"

"Please don't be mad, Brother!" Italy begged. "Germany spent a long time worrying about how to deal with the situation because he didn't want to hurt you! He knew that if he told your boss that you and El Apasionado Caballero were working together, you'd be fired and put in jail and your whole life would be ruined! That's why he didn't tell your boss about what he saw! He just asked if he could take over the case and to have you taken off of it so you wouldn't be able to help steal anymore and he wouldn't feel guilty about not doing anything to stop you! Whaaa, I'll do anything so please don't hit him!"

"Wait… he thinks we're working together?"

"…Aren't you?"

"Hell no! What kind of fucked up, corrupt detective do you think I am, anyway? I never helped him plan it or escape or anything!"

"Oh, I'm so glad! I was afraid my big brother had turned into a thief! …Hey Romano… You're not going to be mad at Germany, are you? He didn't do it to be mean, honest!"

Romano sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Whatever shortcomings Italy had, Romano knew that his brother wasn't a liar. If he said that Germany had been trying to protect him by doing things this way, as weird a thought as it was, Romano couldn't help but believe him. "Whatever. That bastard can do what he wants. I don't care."

"Thank you, Brother, thank you!" Italy cheered, hugging him.

"That doesn't mean I like him, though!" Romano insisted. "I still hate his fucking guts!"

"How mean!" Italy cried.

"Ah, shit… I better get back to work before that bastard England notices I'm gone," Romano sighed. "Oi, Veneciano! Give me some free snacks to take with me!"

"Ok…"

Romano waited until Italy was busy putting some treats into a bag for him to take back with him before speaking again. "…Thanks…" _for listening to me._

Italy straightened up and smiled at him as he offered him the bag of snacks. "Don't mention it, Brother! You can come to me any time you have a problem and I'll do whatever I can to help! That's what brothers are for, right?"

"Hmph," Romano grunted, his cheeks going a bit warm.

Italy continued to grin as Romano left the shop. The older brother had tried to hide it, but Italy was pretty sure he'd seen a little smile on his lips.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **D-does anyone still care about this story? I apologize for the ridiculously long wait; I admit that I lost interest in the pairing and it was quite a chore to force myself to finish. Hopefully this obscenely long chapter will make up for the wait at least a bit. And a big thank you to fakiagirl for betaing the first half of the chapter! Thanks for your help!

* * *

"Lookin' good, you guys!" Belgium, the director, said through her microphone. "Why don't we take a half an hour break? You look like you're about to drop dead, Spain."

Spain sighed with relief as he accepted a hand towel from one of the stage crew and wiped the sweat from his face. Prussia, his head pyro technician, bounded over with a grin.

"So? What did you think of that new spark-shower effect?" he prompted excitedly. "Pretty awesome right? Feel free to praise my genius on your knees!"

"It was pretty amazing," Spain panted. He muffled his ensuing coughing in the towel and slumped against the wall tiredly. "It was hard to fully appreciate it when I'm so busy trying not to cough up half my lung, though…"

"Dude, you're still not better?" Prussia asked incredulously. "You took more than a week off of work and everything! Get your shit together, man! The show's in four days!"

"Believe me, I would if I could. Oh, thanks a lot," Spain said as one of the stagehands brought him some cough suppressant and a bottle of water. He gulped them down and sighed. "I got rid of my fever so I thought I'd be fine coming back to work today, but… It would've been nice to take another day or two to let the coughing and stuffy nose go away. Maybe Romano would've taken care of me a little longer…"

Prussia rolled his eyes at the dreamy smile that crept onto Spain's face at those last words. "You're still stuck on that Romano guy? If you like him so much why don't you just do him already? The awesome me is getting real sick of listening to you spout sappy crap about him."

"I can't just do him," Spain insisted. "Romano is special; I don't wanna mess things up with him by asking for sex too soon. It seems like he's had a lot of not so good relationships so I've gotta take it slow with him, you know? Besides, I want our first time to be really romantic, and…"

"What part of 'I'm sick of listening to you spout sappy shit' didn't you get?" Prussia whined. "It was bad enough when France got serious about that half invisible blond kid! I thought you were with me on the sane side! Whatever happened to bros before…other, lamer bros?"

Spain laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that. But I love Romano so much, I don't even care if I seem crazy! Anyway, don't you have Austria?"

Prussia's cheeks warmed and he pouted as he thought of the graceful dark-haired man who composed the original music for their show and worked with the sound team, snubbing his toe absentmindedly into the stage. "Th-that's different… It's… it's lust, ok? L-like the awesome me would ever fall in love. Pfft! Yeah right!"

"But you're going red!" Spain grinned, poking at his friend's cheek. "Hey, I'll ask him out for you if you're too shy!"

Prussia scoffed and swatted him away, his face reddening even further as he spun around to hide his embarrassment. Fortunately for Prussia, Spain's phone began to ring in his pocket at that moment, distracting him from his teasing. Spain dug the phone out and glanced at the caller ID before answering.

"Hello Italito!" he chirped.

"Hi Spain!" Italy said brightly. "You can talk right now, right? Are you feeling better?"

"Mostly," Spain assured him. "You're so cute worrying about me, Ita!"

"Because we're friends!"

"Was there something you needed from me?"

"Oh, that's right! I'm calling about Brother."

"About Romano?"

"Yeah… he's having a really terrible, yucky day at work today. He came in here earlier _really_ upset … I thought if anyone could cheer Brother up, it was probably you."

"I see… Poor Romano. Did he tell you what happened?"

"Yeah, but Brother might be mad if I… Oh…" Italy's heart sunk as he suddenly remembered that Romano's love for another man was at the root of his troubles. He knew how Spain felt about Romano. The Italian paled on the other end of the line, realizing that he'd just unintentionally done something really insensitive.

"What's wrong, Ita?" Spain asked.

"Veee, I'm so sorry, Spain!" Italy wailed. "That was so mean of me! I didn't even think about it… I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, really! I'm sorry!"

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Part of the reason Romano's so sad is because he's in love with… Waaah, I said too much again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Romano's in love with someone?" Spain bit his lip lightly in thought. "Is it… El Apasionado Caballero, by any chance?"

Italy stopped crying on the other end of the phone. "Ve? You already know?"

"I had a feeling. But that's ok; I'm not worried."

"Y-you're not?"

"Nope! There's no way this thief guy is as cool as me! I can still win Romano over... Did he actually tell you that he was in love with this guy?"

"No, but I'm dating Germany, you know? And he's a police officer who goes with Brother when they try to catch El Apasionado Caballero. Last week he saw the two of them together in the forest after El Apasionado Caballero ran away from the museum and he kissed Brother and Brother didn't even get mad! And then Germany was worried that Brother was working with him…"

Now it was Spain's turn to pale. Someone had actually seen that? Moreover, it had been a police officer. Suddenly Spain had a very nasty feeling that he knew what had happened to make Romano so upset.

"Ita… R-Romano didn't get fired, did he? Are… are they going to arrest him?" Oh god. If Romano was going to be arrested because of Spain's carelessness, he had no idea what he'd do.

"No, but… ve, I already said too much again. You should just ask Brother. Anyway, I'm sure he'd feel a lot better if you called him or went to meet him sometime today."

"I… I see," Spain let out a deep sigh of relief. "Maybe I'll take him out to lunch, then."

"Thanks Spain! I knew you'd help!"

"I'm glad to do it. Thanks for letting me know."

"No problem! Good luck with Brother! Bye!"

Spain smiled softly as he hung up. Lunch with Romano… it had been a long time since they'd done that. Naturally they had eaten together while they were convalescing this past week, but the misery of their fevers and coughs and runny noses had kept them from enjoying it so it didn't count.

What would be good for their first date after being reunited? If Romano was really as upset as Italy had said over what had happened to him at work, maybe a home-cooked meal would be best. He'd take Romano home with him and make some ropa vieja and pa amb tomàquet and then flan for dessert; it would be a nice, intimate meal all to themselves. That way Romano wouldn't feel quite as embarrassed if he needed Spain to comfort him while he cried on his shoulder.

"Oi, you in there?" Prussia's irritated voice snapped Spain out of his daydream.

"What?" Spain said dazedly.

"Jeez, I said your name like six times," he groused. "What was that all about? That Romano guy going to jail?"

"No, thank goodness! Ita couldn't tell me all the details but it seems that he's avoided it somehow."

"Seriously? Maybe this guy is more badass than I thought…" Prussia mused. Then his face fell as he realized what that meant for him. "So you're ditching me at lunch, then."

"Oh, yeah… Sorry… But hey, now you're free to have lunch with Austria if you want!"

Prussia gritted his teeth. "Look, for the last time—"

"What about me?"

Prussia jumped like he'd just been electrified and whirled around to face Austria who had just joined them on the stage. Spain grinned widely as Prussia went red again.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Prussia yelped.

"How rude. I work here too. Had you forgotten that, you fool?" Austria replied snootily. "Anyway, I distinctly heard my name appear in your conversation just now and I demand to know what was said."

"Prussia wants to have lunch with you today!" Spain piped up brightly.

"Hey, you shut the hell up!" Prussia hissed frantically. "I never said that! Just because you and France turned into fucking morons doesn't mean I have to!"

Meanwhile, Austria's cheeks had gone pink. He cleared his throat nervously and straightened his tailored jacket. "Hmm… I suppose I might be able to stomach your company for a short while provided that you foot the bill…"

Prussia froze, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Y-you mean that, Young Master?"

Spain's phone chose that moment to ring again. "I'll just give you two a moment," he chuckled as he retreated, digging his phone out of his pocket one more time.

* * *

After he returned to the station, Romano became increasingly restless. The epiphany he had had at Italy's café, that he did care for both El Apasionado Caballero and Spain in some capacity, made him want to take some sort of action, though he wasn't really sure what he should do. Before he acted on his newly discovered feelings in any way, he still needed to see proof from one or both of them that they did in fact love him. He could figure out where to go from there.

But that left him with another problem. How long were they going to keep him waiting? He couldn't just go up to either of them and demand the proof immediately. It would be meaningless if he followed them around asking for it. Regardless of how careless he had been in letting himself start to care for them (and really, it was only the littlest bit; it wasn't as though he was in love or anything), he wasn't so desperate that he would try to cajole them. The best thing he could do was to spend time with them and hope that his presence was enough to make them remember what they were supposed to be doing.

It was easy enough to spend time with Spain, even though it would require him to swallow a considerable amount of his pride. That clueless idiot would probably stop over after work today to bother him now that his fever had gone and Romano had kicked him out of his house. All he had to do was work out an excuse about why he was suddenly agreeing to meet him when he'd been ignoring him for months. Just because he was acknowledging that he cared about Spain to himself, didn't mean he was ready to fall into his arms and confess his undying love for him or anything.

The problem was El Apasionado Caballero; how was Romano supposed to be able to meet him now that he'd been kicked off the case? He had no way of contacting the thief and he didn't want to just sit around the house waiting for him to show up.

The only option he could see would be to sneak onto the crime scene-to-be to wait for him and just pray that he wasn't caught by any of the officers legitimately working the scene. It was risky, but Romano had followed him this far. Like hell he was giving up now.

Well, if he was going to sneak on to the scene, it was better to find a hiding place before the other officers started setting up tonight's security. Actually, since he wasn't handling the case this time, he couldn't expect to be let in after closing time like usual. Romano would have to enter it during business hours and find someplace to hide until it was time. This called for a reconnaissance mission to the museum.

But if he was going to go to the museum before it closed he would have to leave straight from work, and that would mean missing Spain if he stopped over. If he did that, Spain might think he was ignoring him again. He couldn't meet one without missing the other. It looked as though he was going to have to decide right now which one was more important to him.

Romano sighed and plunked his forehead down on his desk. This was part of the reason why he'd tried to give up on caring about people; it was so freaking exhausting. He didn't have much time left to decide, either. The museum closed at five; he would have to figure out what he wanted to do before then. He mumbled a curse under his breath. How was he supposed to make such a clear-cut choice so early in the game?

Suddenly there was a ringing in Romano's ear, snapping him out of his troubled daze. He snapped to attention with a startled gasp. When had he taken his phone from his pocket? Romano hadn't the slightest memory of doing so. He didn't even know who he had called. The detective was just getting ready to hang up when he heard an all too familiar voice in his ear.

"Is that really you, Romano? I can't believe you really called me on your own! Maaan, I can't even tell you how happy this makes me!" Fuck, he'd called Spain. Hang up. Hang up!

"Dammit, why did I…? I-I didn't call you, you bastard! Don't get cocky! It was just… it was a squirrel, dammit!" Romano sputtered, flailing comically. "It just invited its stupid squirrely ass in here and dialed your number when I wasn't looking! D-don't get the wrong idea, dumb ass!"

"So? How's your day been?" Spain asked cheerfully, wisely opting to pretend he hadn't heard anything from Italy. "Did you take any fingerprints today?"

"Why the hell would I take fingerprints?" Romano huffed. "You read too many detective novels."

"Yeah, that might be," Spain replied with a laugh. "I just looove reading detective novels and imagining my sweet little Romanito as the main character!"

"Don't tell me about your fucking weird fantasies, pervert!" he growled. "Anyway, it's been a really shitty day and I'm going out to eat tonight because I don't feel like cooking. That's how shitty it's been."

"I see… a bad day, huh? That's too bad. You wanna talk about it?"

Romano's cheeks colored at the genuine concern in Spain's voice. He rolled a pen back and forth compulsively on his desk as he tried to decide how to reply. The thought of letting Spain hold him close and stroke his hair while he told him about the terrible things that had happened to him lately didn't repulse him as much as he'd expected. His face warmed even further when he imagined Spain kissing away all his worries with those warm, soft lips of his.

"Romano? You still there?" Spain asked, interrupting what had most definitely not been a daydream.

"O-obviously; who the hell just hangs up in the middle of a conversation, dumb ass?" Romano said quickly, forcing the previous humiliating image from his mind. "Anyway, I don't wanna talk about that now."

Spain was a bit put out by this reply for a moment, before he realized that Romano had said that he didn't want to talk about it _now_, which implied that Spain was free to wheedle it out of him later. Perhaps he could get it out of Romano over lunch.

"Well, maybe later, then," Spain replied easily. "In the meantime, why don't you let me work a little cheer-up-charm magic? Why don't you come over to my place for lunch today? We can eat together and have a siesta afterwards. It'll be just like the old days!"

Romano fought down his urge to agree immediately and forced himself to hesitate. He didn't want to seem too eager. "Fine," he said as sullenly as he could.

"Ok, I'll see you at noon, then!" Spain chirped. "Goodbye, Romanito. I love you more than anyone else in the world!"

"Hmph," Romano grunted, blushing as he hung up.

* * *

Romano's heart was pounding as he pulled into Spain's driveway. As much as he wanted to find some other reason to blame it on, he knew precisely why his body was reacting this way. After all, it would be the first time he'd be seeing Spain face to face since he'd admitted to himself that he cared about him.

Well, he only cared the tiniest bit, but Romano had his pride. He had spent months avoiding this man, and when he had been forced to see him, he'd spent that time telling him that he hated him and to get out of his face. Now here he was willingly joining Spain for lunch. In doing so he would not only be dining on whatever Spain was serving; he would also be eating a large serving of crow and that was a dish that Romano could live without.

Even so, Romano couldn't bring himself to turn the key in his ignition and pull away from Spain's house. In the end, pride or not, he was still left with the realization that he did, in fact, still care.

Deciding he had put off the moment when he would have to look Spain in the eye long enough, Romano hauled himself out of the car and dragged his suddenly leaden feet up to the front door. He was just extending his finger to ring the doorbell when the door flew open of its own accord.

Even if the suddenness had surprised him a little, Romano didn't jump and he most certainly didn't yelp. It seemed that Spain had hallucinated that he'd done those things, though, because he laughed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, Romanito," he said, grinning brightly though his voice still sounded a bit hoarse and congested. "I'm just so excited to see you!"

"Wh-who said I was scared… dumbass…" Romano mumbled.

He clenched his teeth in frustration and fixed his gaze determinedly on Spain's welcome mat as his face heated brilliantly. As he had expected, looking him in the eye was just way too uncomfortable. In fact, it went beyond being uncomfortable; so much as glancing in Spain's direction made his chest feel all funny and his head go fuzzy.

What was going on? He hadn't had this much trouble looking him in the eye this morning when he'd demanded that Spain go back to his own house if his fever was gone. Nothing significant had happened between them since then. Sure, Romano had acknowledged that maybe he cared about Spain just a tiny bit, but that shouldn't have been enough to cause such a violent reaction just by looking at him.

"…Romano?" Spain interrupted softly, bending down slightly to look into his eyes. "Are you alright, my little tomato?"

Romano's heart stuttered and his breath caught slightly in his chest when he was forced to meet Spain's concerned brilliant green gaze. Spain cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over it, caressing it tenderly.

Romano was simultaneously torn between wanting to kick him in the shin and snap at him to keep his damn hands to himself, and just staying silent and letting Spain stroke and hug him. It caused a painful tug-of-war in his head between his pride and the shameful feelings that were blossoming into further maturity by the second. As it was, he couldn't force a single syllable from his lips.

Spain tugged him inside slowly and shut the door behind them before looping his arms around him. Romano, still paralyzed by indecision, couldn't do anything even when Spain stroked his hair and pressed a lingering kiss to Romano's forehead. Romano couldn't decide how he wanted to react to that so he simply allowed it.

"Poor Romano," he breathed. "Your day must've been pretty bad, huh? Why don't we have some lunch and you can tell me all about it, ok? I made some yummy tomato dishes that I think will help you cheer up a little."

Romano gave Spain a very delayed and half-hearted swat as the older man led him into the kitchen. His mouth began to water before he even saw the shredded beef in tomato sauce on the bed of rice.

Beside the main dish was a plate of sliced bread which looked as though it had been toasted and rubbed with tomato. If there was one positive quality about Spain that Romano hadn't had too tough a time admitting from the start, it was that the man could cook. Spain grinned when Romano's stomach rumbled hungrily.

"So you're not too upset to be hungry," he commented with a little sigh of relief. "That's good."

"It'd better be pretty damn good to make up for all the shit that's happened today," Romano groused as he slid into his chair.

"My taste is still a little off because of this stuffy nose, but I'm pretty sure it turned out well," Spain assured him cheerfully as he loaded up Romano's plate for him. "I think you'll be happy with it."

"Hmph."

Romano took the plate that Spain was offering him and dug in eagerly. He refused to hum in satisfaction at the rich and somewhat sweet and tangy flavor, but it was only through sheer force of will that he managed to restrain himself. Spain was watching him with a smile as he sat down beside him with his own plate.

"Good?" he asked.

"…It's not terrible," he grunted, still not looking at Spain for fear that his face would go red again and give Spain the wrong idea.

His precautionary measure was ruined when Spain put his hand on top of Romano's on the tabletop and squeezed it gently. The Italian cursed inwardly as his cheeks began to heat up.

A comment about Romano's resemblance to a tomato was sitting on the tip of Spain's tongue but he swallowed it for once. Romano needed to be comforted rather than teased right now. But he couldn't resist leaning over and kissing his round, flushed cheek, which earned him another half-hearted swat.

"Now," Spain began, digging into his own lunch, "why don't you tell me all about your bad day?"

Romano continued to eat as if he hadn't heard Spain's request, though in reality he was trying to decide what he wanted to tell him, or if he should tell him anything at all.

Spain didn't know that he was competing with El Apasionado Caballero for Romano's affections. Should he mention that? It might help hurry Spain's show of proof that he loved Romano if he thought the Italian was in danger of being swept away by someone else.

Then again, telling him about the agony he was caused over having to pick one or the other of them would let Spain know that Romano was, in fact, not only interested in El Apasionado Caballero, but also in Spain himself. Not that he was particularly interested in either one; really, his level of interest was negligible.

Romano didn't understand why the choice was bothering him so much when he really cared only the tiniest bit, but if he told Spain about it he had no doubt that he would blow things way out of proportion and that would be embarrassing. It was probably best if he didn't mention it.

There was also the matter of Romano having been removed from the El Apasionado Caballero case and Germany, his mortal enemy, having been put in charge instead. That was what had really made today crappy.

But Spain always talked about how cool he thought Romano was when he was doing his job and praised his skill, even though the idiot had never even seen it in action. How disappointed would Spain be in him if he told him that he wasn't as good at his job as Spain thought he was and that he'd been kicked off of the biggest case he'd ever handled?

Romano didn't really care whether he disappointed Spain, but it was mortifying to admit to his own failures, especially one as spectacular as this. Maybe he wouldn't mention that, either.

He hazarded a glance in Spain's direction and found the older man watching him closely, anxiously awaiting Romano's story. Obviously he would be the most disappointed if Romano didn't tell him anything. What if he started crying? The last thing Romano needed on this crappy day was to have to deal with someone else's tears.

"My boss… yelled at me," Romano mumbled. "Because he's an asshole."

Spain waited for Romano to continue but Romano began eating again, avoiding his gaze, and it didn't look as though he was going to say anything else. He had been spotted as El Apasionado Caballero kissing the head detective of his case and Romano had only gotten yelled at? That couldn't be right. Something like that would warrant being fired at the very least, and being put on trial at worst.

Obviously his sweet little tomato detective wasn't telling him the whole story. Even though Spain knew what a prideful person Romano was he couldn't help being hurt by that.

"Are you sure that's all that happened?" Spain asked.

Romano reddened guiltily. He wanted to tell Spain what had happened, he really did. He just couldn't. Spain set down his fork and pulled Romano into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly.

"It's ok Romano, you can be honest with me," Spain breathed. "No matter what happened, no matter what you did, I'll still love you more than anyone else in the world."

There was a note of hurt in Spain's voice as he said this that sent a shock of pain through Romano's heart. It was so acute that he almost wanted to return Spain's embrace. It didn't help that he'd brought out that cursed phrase again. Every time Spain told him that he loved him more than anyone else in the world, it made his chest hurt for reasons he couldn't explain.

"That bastard thief k-kissed me," Romano ground out, "and that damn potato saw, but he didn't… He just kept that a secret…"

"Germany covered up for you?" Spain asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. "I thought you two didn't get along."

"He only did it because he's dating my brother," Romano muttered. "It has nothing to do with me…"

"I see…"

"…Hey, not that I give a shit or anything, but aren't you gonna get pissed?"

"What, about El Apasionado Caballero kissing you? Why? I mean, it was one-sided on his part, right? Anyway, I'm a thousand times cooler than he is so I'm not worried."

Romano snorted doubtfully, but couldn't help feeling just a little guilty. True, the thief had been the one instigating the kiss and he had done so without any prompting from Romano, but he… he hadn't hated it.

"And I love you way more than he does," Spain added with a grin, as if it was his strongest argument that he'd been saving for last.

"L-like I care about that," Romano stammered, his cheeks going red again. "Anyway, I'm fucking hungry so get your damn hands off of me and let me eat."

Spain couldn't help grinning even as Romano elbowed him in the ribs to break their hug. Even if it would have been nice if Romano had continued to let him hug and kiss him, the return of his usual insults in full force told him that Romano's mood had improved at least a little, and it was all thanks to him. Was he a master of the cheer-up charm or what?

Once the food had been eaten and the dishes cleared away, Romano leaned back in his chair feeling pleasantly full and just a little bit sleepy. Spain smiled as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the top of Romano's head.

"Tired, Romanito?" he asked sweetly, dodging another one of Romano's half-hearted swats.

"It's siesta time, dumbass. What the… hell do you think?" Romano groused. He didn't sound half as irritated as he'd intended thanks to the yawn that had slipped out in the middle of his sentence.

"A siesta does sound nice, doesn't it?" Spain agreed, his heart warming at the memory of the way Romano's long, pretty eyelashes drifted down gracefully to rest on the tops of his warmth flushed cheeks when he slept. "Come on, we can sleep in my bed."

"Hmph. Like I wanna sleep in your nasty pervert bed," Romano muttered grumpily, though he allowed Spain to lead him to it without serious complaint.

The Italian shed his clothing with practiced speed, fell into the bed and instantly made himself at home in it, hogging the single pillow and blankets in the process. Spain didn't mind, though; he climbed in beside Romano after shedding his own clothing and rested his head on the corner of the pillow that Romano hadn't taken up, intentionally letting their faces come so close that their noses were almost touching.

Romano blushed and scooted over to escape the uncomfortable closeness. Spain stopped him from moving as far away as Romano wanted to by curling his arms around him and pulling him against his chest. He weaseled his way under the blanket that Romano had attempted to keep to himself. Romano blushed scarlet as Spain's bare legs intertwined with his and their naked chests pressed against each other. He was acutely aware that the only articles of clothing separating their more sensitive areas were their boxers.

_Don't think about it_, Romano commanded himself forcefully._ That bastard Spain is trying to put me under his fucking pervert spell again, but it's not gonna work._

Romano drew a deep breath, intending to calm himself. The tantalizing scent of Spain's cologne and the natural, not altogether unpleasant scent of his skin entered Romano's nostrils and sent a little shiver down Romano's spine. Spain's confident hands began trailing up and down Romano's bare back lightly, stroking him in a way that had always soothed Romano when he'd been jolted awake from fever-induced nightmares. The comforting familiarity of that action made Romano start to feel sleepy all over again. His eyelashes tickled Spain's chest lightly as his eyelids drifted closed.

Spain started to hum quietly, smiling to himself at the way Romano had molded himself to his body. Romano tucked his head under Spain's chin and sighed softly against his collarbone. The Spaniard kissed Romano's forehead, then the tip of his nose and finally his sun-bronzed cheek. He let his eyes slip closed as Romano's warmth lured his consciousness away, the sensation of their hearts beating next to each other, almost as one, creating a silent but effective lullaby.

* * *

Germany looked down at his watch. It was almost three o'clock, meaning that in a few minutes, he would need to page his back-up squad to his office for briefing. He hadn't seen Romano since he'd stormed past him in tears. Germany hoped he wasn't off drinking himself into a stupor at some dingy little bar, planning his revenge on Germany at this very moment. He'd heard too many stories from Italy about Romano throwing tantrums and peeing on the houses and cars of people who had angered him to think him above doing such a thing.

With a long suffering sigh, he paged his fellow officers. He watched dully as they began to trickle in, already planning his trip to the carwash. Hopefully that was all Romano's revenge would entail.

France sauntered in last, not looking at all ashamed of his tardiness. Germany considered scolding him, but knew it wouldn't do any good. He leveled him instead with a stern look, but instead of giving even a token show of contrition, France winked and blew him a kiss. Feeling slightly ill all of a sudden, Germany decided to just begin the briefing.

"I'm not sure how many of you have heard, but from now on, this case will be falling under new management," Germany began. "Detective Vargas will no longer be in charge of this case; Chief Kirkland has appointed me as his replacement."

There was some murmuring at this announcement, but the only one who appeared to be really stricken by it was, much to Germany's surprise, France. His eyes went wide and his face paled.

"Might I ask why?" France requested, his tone unusually serious.

"The chief felt that Detective Vargas was not producing satisfactory results," Germany replied, studying his fellow officer curiously. "He decided to delegate the case to someone whom he deemed more capable."

France's brow furrowed, his gaze dropping to the floor in thought. Germany was a bit puzzled by this reaction; he hadn't been aware that France and Romano were especially close. To tell the truth, this show of concern surprised him. No, "concern" wasn't the right word. When Germany had announced that Romano would no longer be on the case, France had actually looked frightened.

"If you have any concerns, Officer Bonnefoy, I would be more than happy to address them at this time."

"Hmm?" France glanced back up at him absentmindedly, as though Germany's words had brought him back from somewhere very far away. "No… no concerns."

Germany frowned but got the distinct feeling that France wasn't going to be sharing anytime soon. "In that case, I think it's time that I brief you on the plan of attack for this evening. My approach is going to be quite different from the method's we've used in the past."

Germany got up from his desk and pulled down the projection screen so that he could share the diagrams he had prepared. In the meantime, France wormed his way to the back of the crowd of officers and dug his cellphone out of his pocket. He needed to warn Spain.

* * *

The detective was still groggy when he arrived at the museum at four in the afternoon. He rubbed his eyes yet again and half-stifled a yawn as he absentmindedly shucked out the money for the entrance fee. He hadn't been ready to wake up from his siesta with Spain quite yet when the alarm on his cell phone had alerted him that if he didn't get up and leave right then he wouldn't make it to the museum before it closed.

It was only with the greatest reluctance that he'd disentangled himself from Spain's oh-so-warm and comfortable embrace. That damn bastard thief had better appreciate the effort he was going to in order to keep their engagement. Romano yawned again and made his way toward the Egyptian exhibit where the Scepter of Anubis, El Apasionado Caballero's intended target, was being displayed.

The scepter was being kept in a large pyramid shaped structure which had been constructed inside of one of the rooms of the museum. Romano circled the outside, examining it first with his eyes, then reached out and laid a hand on the wall. It felt like it was made of plastic of some sort, but it had a very convincing stone-like texture.

He circled back around to the front. People were flowing in and out of the pyramid at a leisurely pace. Romano began to enter, but paused in the entryway and looked up. There seemed to be a heavy, retractable steel door that could be lowered after hours for enhanced protection of the items inside.

The scepter was kept at the very back of the pyramid, mounted to the wall behind some glass. Romano scanned the area, looking for some prop in his surroundings that could easily be converted into a trap. His eyes fell onto a nearby sarcophagus. What if he made the inside of the pyramid pitch black so that he could hide himself in the darkness, where he would be waiting with handcuffs? Then he'd get one of the other officers to dress up like a mummy and burst out of the sarcophagus to scare the crap out of El Apasionado Caballero. The mummy officer would back the thief into a dark corner where Romano would be waiting with his handcuffs, which he would then snap onto El Apasionado Caballero's wrists, detaining him.

It was brilliant! It was fool proof! It was… no, wait… Romano had been taken off the case, hadn't he? He no longer had free reign over the crime scenes. Romano sighed and hung his head again. All he could do now was hide and hope that a chance to talk to El Apasionado Caballero presented itself.

What would he even say if they met? What did he _want_ to say? He hadn't the slightest inkling. Well, there was still quite a bit of time before the thief showed up in which Romano would be doing very little. Hopefully he could figure it out during that time. Romano wandered away wearily to look for a place to conceal himself.

* * *

Spain roused himself lazily from his siesta at a quarter to eight. He sniffled through his still-stuffy nose and rubbed his eyes sleepily before glancing at his clock. _Shit!_ Romano was going to be late! _He_ was going to be late!

"Romano! Romano, wake up! You're going to be…"

Spain stopped when he realized that Romano was gone and his side of the bed was cold. It seemed that Romano was more on top of things than he was. Well, there was no time to waste. He had a fifteen minute drive to the museum and he still needed to shower, brush his teeth, do his hair and shine his boots. Spain jerked his thief costume out of the hidden compartment in his closet before jumping into the shower. Tonight was the night he would reveal his identity to Romano and he wanted to look his best.

* * *

Romano glanced down at his watch for what felt like the hundredth time in five minutes, and after seeing that it read the same time that it had the last time he'd looked at it, checked it again to make sure it was still ticking. Why was time moving so slowly?

The detective had long given up on trying to plan the speech he would give El Apasionado Caballero when they finally met. Every time he thought he'd come to some sort of decision about his feelings, he'd change his mind and have to start reforming his speech in his head all over again.

All Romano really wanted was to get out of this sarcophagus. It was cramped and musty and humid inside. He was afraid to even open it a crack to let in some fresh air because he could hear two officers stationed outside.

_Hurry up, you bastard. I'm waiting, dammit._

* * *

El Apasionado Caballero had always considered his costume to be a point of pride, but right now he was ready to rip it off and throw it as hard as he could. Had these clothes always been so hot and confining? Well, in all fairness to his costume, perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he was crawling inside a ventilation shaft.

El Apasionado Caballero stopped for another break, and pulled his shirt up over his face to muffle the ensuing coughing. God, what wouldn't he give for a drink of water. He shifted his legs, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it was such a confined space that there wasn't much room in which to maneuver.

As he squirmed, the cell phone slipped from his pocket. El Apasionado Caballero picked it up, intending to put it back where it had come from, when he noticed that the little green light, the one that indicated that he had a text message or had missed a call, was flashing. He hadn't felt it vibrating in his pocket… Curiously, he roused the phone from the power-saver mode.

He had fifteen new text messages and eight missed calls. What on earth? The most recent one was from half an hour ago. El Apasionado Caballero had been in such a rush to get ready that evening that he hadn't noticed the messages until now. They all appeared to be from France.

_Spain? U there?_

_Helloooo? Respond. This is important._

_Dammit Spain! Where r u?_

_Answer ur damn phone!_

_It's about ur plans 4 2night and it's important!_

_Not a joke. Answer ur phone ASAP._

_Where the hell r u? u know I can't text u about this._

_R u blowing off ur plans? Don't tell me ur phone is dead._

_Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnn answer ur phone!_

_There's no way ur not getting these messages._

_U better not be ignoring me on purpose. I'm trying to save ur ungrateful butt right now._

_It's about the tomato._

_Seriously? U won't even answer 4 that?_

_Ok, I'm guessing u lost ur phone or ur charger in which case ur screwed but I'll tell u anyway just in case._

_Change of plans. No tomato 2night. We're having wurst instead. Be careful._

El Apasionado Caballero lowered his phone. "No tomato tonight. We're having wurst instead… No tomato… Wurst…"

He mumbled the message to himself under his breath, trying to figure out what France might mean. Obviously it was some sort of code; if one of them happened to lose their phone and the wrong person picked it up and happened to look through the text messages there would be serious trouble if they found references to tonight's heist amongst them.

"No tomato"… That was probably a reference to Romano. "No Romano tonight. We're having wurst instead." What could wurst refer to? Sausages… meat…pork…German… Germany! "No Romano tonight. We're having Germany instead."

El Apasionado Caballero's mind whirred. Why would Germany be appearing tonight without Romano? He began to continue towards the vent slowly, churning it over in his head. Romano _had_ seemed pretty upset today… and he _had_ said that his boss had yelled at him… and that Germany had seen him, El Apasionado Caballero, kissing Romano.

But Germany was supposed to be covering for Romano and keeping that tidbit a secret. Why would Germany have taken Romano's place on the case if he'd kept that a secret? Then again, why wouldn't Romano have been fired and put on trial if Germany had ratted him out?

El Apasionado Caballero had never met Germany in person, at least not beyond the minimal contact they had when El Apasionado Caballero stole something. What little he knew of the man came from bits and pieces that he'd been told by France and Italy and Romano, but even from just that, El Apasionado Caballero knew that Germany was a far more intimidating foe than the detective had ever been.

If Romano really wasn't on the scene, then there was no need for him to go through with this caper. He had never been in this for the treasure, after all. But Romano had told him that he was planning to meet El Apasionado Caballero tonight, and that he was waiting for proof of his love. Maybe he had snuck onto the scene to see him.

Finally El Apasionado Caballero reached the vent that led into the room containing the pyramid display. He peered through the grate at the room below. The place was swarming with police officers. Apparently Germany didn't subscribe to Romano's theory of staying out of sight until the very last second.

There were five officers surrounding the doorway of the pyramid, another ten stationed in the entryway to the room containing the pyramid, two in front of each window, and a few circling the outside of the pyramid. El Apasionado Caballero wouldn't be surprised if there were some inside the pyramid as well. Germany was certainly taking no chances.

Thankfully, El Apasionado Caballero's intended point of entry was left free and clear. He had snuck into the museum last night to make preparations; as this would be the last time he appeared as El Apasionado Caballero, he had made sure that this would be his most coordinated and impressive caper yet.

El Apasionado Caballero reached into his boot and pulled out a small, custom-made remote control. The first thing he needed to do was to make sure that no more officers than were already inside the pyramid could enter after they were aware of his presence. He needed to seal it off. El Apasionado Caballero pushed the green button on his remote.

The officers guarding the doorway to the pyramid barely had time to react before the steel overhead door shot down and hit the floor with a resounding clang, closing off the pyramid so that no one could enter or exit. Every one of the officers nearly jumped out of their skins, startled by the sudden noise.

"He's here!" a man's voice shouted. "Everyone on your guard!"

Even from where he was, inside a vent near the ceiling of a room with a clearance of probably thirty feet or so, El Apasionado Caballero could see all the officers tense and square their shoulders, preparing for action.

El Apasionado Caballero kicked the vent with every ounce of strength he possessed and sent the flimsy piece of metal flying. He was too busy launching himself out of the ventilation shaft to wince when the vent cover nailed the Finnish officer on the head. El Apasionado Caballero was falling as he shot his grappling hook which latched onto the window sill across the room. The officers swarmed beneath him as he swung through the air toward the pyramid.

"There he is! Fire!"

El Apasionado Caballero gasped and swung his hips desperately to get out of the way of several somethings that whizzed sinisterly past his ear and sides. If he hadn't been so preoccupied with landing on top of the pyramid and disconnecting his grappling hook, he could have observed the projectiles sticking to the opposite wall and discharging a bolt of blue electricity.

El Apasionado Caballero secured himself on the rough slopes of the top of the pyramid by clamping his knees around the walls and lifted off the pyramid's point to reveal an entryway that he had made for himself the night before. There was a lot of confused and shocked shouting from the officers at this. El Apasionado Caballero had to lean back so far to miss another barrage of sticky, electrified bullets that he almost toppled off backwards.

He ripped off his gloves with his teeth, revealing the suction cups he had strapped to his hands, hooked the pyramid point on his foot and crawled into the opening head first, sealing it as he entered. El Apasionado Caballero could hear the officers outside shouting and trying to scramble up the sides of the pyramid while others dashed around looking for a ladder they could use to follow him through that opening or a crowbar they could use to pry open the steel door.

The thief was more concerned at the moment with the three officers stationed on the inside of the pyramid. They had been momentarily stunned by his sudden appearance, but they were recovering quickly. The Dutch and Swiss officers scowled fiercely at him, aimed their guns and fired straight at El Apasionado Caballero's face. The Hungarian officer appeared to be aiming for his back.

El Apasionado Caballero had no time to waste; he kicked off from the ceiling hard, prying the suction cups on his hands away from the surface and dropped to the floor in order to miss the electrified projectiles. He spring-boarded gracefully from the Dutch officer's face, sending him tumbling backwards into the glass display behind him, and landed on the Swiss officer's shoulders.

The Hungarian officer was taking aim with her gun again so El Apasionado Caballero launched himself off of the Swiss officer, did a front flip in the air and landed lightly on his feet on the floor. The Swiss officer's landing was far less graceful; he smacked his head hard against the wall and slid, unconscious, onto the floor, sprawled out on top of the equally unconscious Dutch officer.

That left El Apasionado Caballero with only the Hungarian officer to worry about. He was far less inclined to be so rough with such a pretty lady, even if she was currently shooting at his chest. The thief bent over backwards to miss the bullet, breaking his fall with a backward roll.

Unfortunately, she had predicted with terrifying accuracy where he would stop rolling; she shot at him and caught him right in the stomach. El Apasionado Caballero's muscles clenched involuntarily as electricity raced through his body. He shouted in pain and alarm as he dropped to his knees against his will, and fell forward, flat on his face.

The Hungarian officer swooped silently down on him, producing a pair of handcuffs from her pocket as El Apasionado Caballero's muscles continued to jerk uncontrollably. El Apasionado Caballero was hardly aware of his twitching leg whacking against something large and heavy in the midst of his haze of pain, but suddenly there was a gasp, a crash, and a grunt that sounded like a woman having the wind knocked out of her.

By the time the muscle spasms had stopped, El Apasionado Caballero was sweating and breathing rather hard, his eyes staring blankly at the inside of the point of the pyramid. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that if he didn't get up and secure the top of the pyramid, the officers were eventually going to find a ladder and storm in on him. He'd been saved from arrest just now by sheer dumb luck, but he couldn't count on something so miraculous to happen twice in a row.

But he wasn't sure if he could support his own weight right now. He felt shaky and a bit queasy, and the area under his ribs where the Hungarian officer's electrified bullet had hit him burned like she had put a match to his skin. This couldn't be the end of him; he couldn't let himself get arrested before he proved his love to Romano.

El Apasionado Caballero groaned miserably, preparing to force himself to his feet. That's when a very welcome and unexpected face appeared above him.

"What the hell are you doing on the floor, lazy ass?" Romano demanded. "Get up."

"R-Romano?" El Apasionado Caballero panted. "What are you…?"

"The correct response would be 'thank you', you ungrateful shit," Romano sniffed. "You would've been toast just now if I hadn't just saved your ass."

El Apasionado Caballero glanced over at the heavy object that had incapacitated the Hungarian officer. It appeared to be the lid of a mummy's sarcophagus. The thief was still a bit dazed from his unfavorable meeting with the stun gun and failed to piece together how that particular item could be connected to Romano. He opted to ignore it in favor of more pressing matters.

"But I thought you weren't going to be here…"

Romano stared at him for a moment. He might have been wearing a look of surprise, but it was too dark to tell. "How the hell did you…?"

"I've got connections inside the police department… I was told at the last second that you wouldn't be here and that Germany would be taking your place, but…"

El Apasionado Caballero saw Romano's fists clench as he looked off to the side, avoiding the thief's gaze. A strange silence settled between them for a beat before Romano dug the toe of his shoe painfully into El Apasionado Caballero's ribs.

"Anyway, get up. I dunno how long we're gonna be able to stay here before those dumb bastards out there finally manage to get in," Romano mumbled. "The last thing I need is to be seen with you again."

"I just have to get up there and screw the top shut and then we'll have plenty of time together," El Apasionado Caballero said. "There's something I have to tell you."

Romano's heart sped up. Could this be it? The big unveiling? He took a deep breath and released it slowly. He couldn't let on how much he was looking forward to this. Not that he particularly was; he was just a little curious, that was all.

"Well what the fuck are you waiting for, then?" Romano huffed.

El Apasionado Caballero extended a hand to him, a silent request for assistance. Romano rolled his eyes, his cheeks warming a bit as he took the thief's gloved hand and pulled him to his feet. El Apasionado Caballero hesitated a moment, getting his balance, before starting to roll up his pant legs. Romano's brow crinkled in bewilderment. What on earth was he…?

That's when El Apasionado Caballero revealed the suction cups strapped to his knees. With the pant legs out of the way, El Apasionado Caballero crawled up the wall like a spider, heading toward the pointed ceiling. Romano watched silently as the thief nailed his entrance shut with an electric screwdriver. Even he had to admit that it was kind of cool to watch El Apasionado Caballero do his thing when he didn't have to worry about catching him.

With the entrance sealed closed, El Apasionado Caballero dropped to the floor again, landing a bit less gracefully than usual on his feet. Without thinking, Romano offered his arm to steady him. "Thanks, my sweet little tomato," El Apasionado Caballero muttered. The detective blushed as it occurred to him what he'd just done. He pushed El Apasionado Caballero away, but did so far less forcefully than he'd intended.

"So?" Romano demanded sharply.

El Apasionado Caballero looked down at him in surprise. Romano's face reddened even further and he averted his gaze, cursing himself mentally. Hadn't he just decided to play it cool? He cleared his throat and examined his fingernails in the best show of indifference that he could pull off at this point. Too bad it was too dark for it to look at all convincing.

"You said you wanted to tell me something," he said. "Not that I give a shit or anything, but since I'm trapped with you anyway we might as well get it over with."

El Apasionado Caballero couldn't help smiling. It was adorable how eager Romano was to hear what he had to say, even if he was trying to hide it. He took Romano's hand's gently in his, causing the detective to go scarlet and fidget nervously. Romano's heart was pounding so hard that he was afraid that El Apasionado Caballero could hear it from where he was standing.

"Romano," El Apasionado Caballero began quietly, "a couple weeks ago, I promised that I would prove my love to you. I couldn't do it then because there were a few things I had to take care of, a few things I had to check before I could risk revealing my identity to you. I've taken care of those things, and I think now is the time."

The thief heard Romano's breath hitch softly in anticipation and rubbed the back of his hands softly with his thumbs in an effort to sooth him.

"I spent a long time thinking about what I would say when I unmasked myself," he continued. "I finally decided that I would explain by telling you a story."

Romano looked up at him suddenly, and El Apasionado Caballero could see his puzzled frown even in the poor lighting of the pyramid. "Are you shitting me? A story?"

"I promise, Romanito, everything will make more sense after you've heard my story."

Romano sighed impatiently and plunked down on the floor, folding his arms in an expectant manner. El Apasionado Caballero sat down across from him unhurriedly, collecting his thoughts briefly, unperturbed by the sound of police officers scrambling around outside their enclave and trying to get in.

"Once upon a time," ("Oh give me a fucking _break_," Romano interrupted in protest to the childish opening, causing El Apasionado Caballero to grin) "there was a stage performer. We'll call him Antonio.

"Antonio was walking to work one morning, just like he always did. While he was waiting at the crosswalk, he made a careless mistake that almost cost him his life. Luckily, another man, we'll call him Lovino, saw the accident that was about to happen and jumped to Antonio's rescue, putting himself in mortal peril instead and saving Antonio's life."

Despite Romano's initial misgivings about the idea of story time with a thief, he was now listening intently. This was shaping up to be far too much like the story of him and Spain to be a coincidence. The question was how El Apasionado Caballero knew about it. He swallowed thickly and continued to listen.

"At first, Antonio planned to thank Lovino for what he had done for him, maybe take him out for a very nice dinner or grant a favor of Lovino's choosing in order to show his gratitude… but then Antonio got to know Lovino.

"He found that even though Lovino was very shy and grumpy, he was still very charming and sweet in his own way. Antonio fell in love with Lovino, more deeply than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life."

Romano was gaping openly now. There was no mistaking it; this was definitely his and Spain's story. He was in too much shock to even ask El Apasionado Caballero what the hell he thought he was playing at, spying on him and Spain that way. The only thing he could do was to wait for the story's conclusion.

"Then one day, something happened between them. Antonio made a big mistake and ended up hurting Lovino's feelings very badly. It was a complete accident, and for months Antonio didn't even know what he had done to make Lovino so angry. The only thing he knew was that he had royally screwed up and now Lovino didn't want anything to do with him. He tried calling and sending apology letters and gifts, but Lovino had been hurt so badly that he didn't want anything to do with Antonio.

"Antonio was lost. He'd tried everything he could think of to show Lovino that he hadn't meant to hurt him, but nothing helped. Antonio thought he had lost the love of his life and it was driving him crazy… He could hardly eat or sleep or do much of anything. It felt as though a part of him was missing…A…Antonio had never felt so miserable and lonely in his entire life…"

El Apasionado Caballero lapsed into silence, and Romano saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed thickly. Romano blinked furiously at a painful sensation built in his chest. He was hesitant to put a name to the feeling, but it was so acute that it was making his throat feel tight as well. The detective waited for El Apasionado Caballero to continue, but the thief seemed to be lost in thought.

"What…" Romano cleared his throat and tried again, hoping to sound less hoarse this time. "What did he do, then, this… this Antonio guy?"

"Well, Antonio was a desperate man so he decided to take drastic measures. Lovino was a police detective, you see, so he wondered if there was some way that he could get Lovino to see him through his job. He considered pretending that he had been robbed and reporting it to the police, hoping that they would assign Lovino to the job.

"But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a long shot. What if Lovino heard that it was Antonio's house that he was being sent to and refused to go? Even if Antonio got lucky and he was able to see Lovino, how many meetings would something like that even get him? How many times would the police go to investigate repeated burglary reports of small-time items before they figured out that something fishy was going on? Antonio decided he would need to try something even crazier than that.

"Then it came to him. The best way to get the attention of a detective…" A small smile tugged at the corners of El Apasionado Caballero's lips. He took Romano's hands again and guided them up on either side of his mask. Romano looked deeply into those sparkling green eyes, utterly speechless. Logic told him that there could be only one person behind that mask, but he simply couldn't believe it. It was just too crazy, even for that idiot.

Hands shaking, he slowly removed the thief's mask. His eyes grew so round and wide that they began to hurt, but he couldn't process the amount of insanity that was now staring him right in the face.

"…is to become a thief," Spain finished.

Romano just stared. All this time it had been Spain. There was no need to decide between Spain and El Apasionado Caballero. They… they were the same person. All this time, he had been chasing Spain and he'd never even suspected. All the signs had been there from the beginning: the way that they were the same height and build, their voices the same, his sinful skill with a flamenco guitar, the same pet names, the same turns of phrase, the same kindness, and passion, and unfailing acceptance… and yet Romano had failed to see through him. How could he have been so clueless?

"Romano…?" Spain said tentatively, a nervous glint in his eyes. He looked so vulnerable in that moment that Romano almost felt sorry for him. "You're… not angry, are y—"

The rest of Spain's sentence was cut off suddenly when Romano grabbed him by the lapels and jerked him forward, kissing him forcefully. Spain was stock-still for a moment, frozen in shock, before his arms came up to wind around Romano's body. Romano allowed Spain's tongue to trace lightly along his bottom lip before entering his mouth.

Romano's mind was in the midst of an overwhelming tornado of emotions: relief, surprise, joy, passion, disbelief, hope… he poured them all into that kiss, climbing into Spain's lap and pushing the other man onto his back. He wasn't even aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks until Spain broke the kiss slowly to wipe them away. Romano sniffled and rubbed his eyes, his cheeks burning.

"It's about time, you stupid bastard," the detective sobbed, punching Spain weakly in the shoulder. "I thought you were just going to leave me hanging again, you asshole."

"I'd never do that to you, Romano," Spain assured him gently. "I love you more than anyone else in the world!"

Spain caught Romano's tear-salted lips in his again as his fingers slipped into the Italian's hair. Romano gasped in surprise when Spain's fingertips found the base of a certain curl, but the gasp quickly became a moan. The detective ground his hips desperately into Spain's as his curl was tugged. Spain met the friction eagerly, rolling his hips. Romano hummed with pleasure again; he could feel Spain's cock starting to grow just a bit hard as it rubbed against his through their clothing.

"R-Romano…" Spain panted. He moaned throatily as Romano rutted into him again. "Romano, I really think…mmm… maybe this isn't the best place to do this. We… we don't know when those three officers will wake up… or when the guys outside will break through."

Romano groaned, knowing that Spain was absolutely right, and that if he was caught on the premises he would be out of a job.

"Well, what the hell do we do, then?" Romano demanded, his cheeks still hot. "You better have one hell of an escape plan. And… and you better be able to get me outta here too. Thanks to a certain careless asshole, that potato bastard saw you k-kissing me and I… might've kinda gotten kicked off your case."

"Wait, what?" Spain asked, his eyes wide with horror. "You got kicked off of my case? But I thought you said Germany was covering for you!"

"He didn't tell what he saw, but the fucker still pointed out to my boss that I wasn't getting the job done and got him to put him in charge instead," Romano explained irritably. "So you better freaking appreciate how much I'm putting my ass on the line to meet you right now."

Spain smiled and stole another kiss. "I do appreciate it. More than words can say."

"S-so how do we get out of here?" Romano asked. To tell the truth, all these kisses were making him feel blissfully lightheaded and he wasn't sure if he would be able to produce one of his usual brilliant schemes at the moment.

Spain's eyes grew distant as he wracked his brain for an escape plan. Romano waited, nudging the Dutch officer nervously with his toe to make sure he was still unconscious. Then, at long last, Spain snapped his fingers.

"I've got it!" he sang.

Romano raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, awaiting his explanation. Spain said nothing; instead, he dug out a length of rope from somewhere behind his cloak and stretched it out for Romano's inspection. The detective took it in his hands absentmindedly and looked up into Spain's eyes, nonplussed.

"What's this for?" Romano asked.

"Well, I need to get you out of here without letting you be seen, right? I was thinking I could tie you onto my back under my cloak and just escape the way I had originally planned," Spain explained brightly.

Romano stared. "The hell kind of plan is that? I'm too heavy for you to carry on the kind of getaways you usually make, you moron. And anyway, what if I fall off?"

"That's what the rope is for," Spain said unconcernedly. "Besides, I carried you off on one of my getaways before, remember?"

He kissed Romano's cheek cheerfully as it reddened with the memory of the cupid statue incident.

"Now, why don't we make ourselves scarce?" Spain suggested in his most sensuous voice, speaking softly into Romano's ear. "My little tomato was doing something very interesting with his hips earlier that I can't wait to try again."

Mumbling under his breath about indecent perverts, Romano climbed reluctantly onto Spain's back underneath his cloak. The detective held the garment up and out of the way as Spain wound the rope tightly around both of them, securing them together. It was like being in a makeshift version of the sort of open backpacks that parents use to carry their babies.

"Wrap your legs nice and tight around my waist, Romanito," Spain instructed, sounding as though he was enjoying this far too much.

A shiver ran down Romano's spine as his partial erection pressed firmly against Spain's lower back. Any jostling would certainly… no, this was no time to think about that now, not when they had an escape attempt to make.

"Are you ready, Romano?" Spain asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Romano grumbled. "Just get it over with already."

With that, Spain placed his suction-cup hands on the wall again and hoisted them up. Spain's legs dangled for a moment before he was able to swing his lower body hard enough at the wall for the suction cups around his knees to catch. He grunted with pain as he aggravated his sore ribs with the movement.

Romano clung to him tightly, his heart pounding in anticipation of what lie ahead. If he fell… if he was caught… if _they_ were caught, well… Romano didn't want to think about it.

But Spain had done this many times, right? And if Romano was honest with himself, he'd never really come close to catching Spain; he'd always been able to slip away quite easily when it suited him. Spain was master of escape. He had this covered. Though it was counterintuitive, Romano had no choice but to put his trust in Spain.

Suddenly, Spain was maneuvering them upside-down. Romano gasped in surprise and clutched Spain even tighter. He was trying valiantly to ignore the fact that his half-hard erection had found the cleft in Spain's bottom and was now rubbing against it. Face burning as red as a cherry, Romano forced himself to think of the least sexy thing he could imagine: potatoes. iNasty, squishy, mud-covered potatoes…i

"Here we go," Spain muttered.

Romano couldn't see from where he was at the moment, but Spain had his remote control out again. He took a deep, steadying breath and pushed the button. There was a slight whirring and metallic grinding noise and the steel door that separated the pyramid from the rest of the museum slid upwards into the wall of the pyramid once more.

The officers spilled in at once, flooding the pyramid so hastily that they almost trampled their three unconscious fellows who lie on the ground. There was a murmur of confusion from those at the front of the pack that quickly spread to the officers who hadn't managed to get in immediately.

"Officer Germany, sir!" the Finnish officer shouted (a nasty looking bruise had blossomed on his forehead where the vent grate had hit him earlier). "The scepter wasn't stolen! It's still right here where it's always been!"

"It's still there?" Germany asked, sounding rather bewildered. "But why on earth would he spend so long in there only to leave the treasure he came to steal…? Be on your guard, everyone! The thief must still be here somewhere!"

Germany was half right; Spain was still in the building, but he had crawled out of the pyramid right over the officers' heads like an oversized gecko. Once he had slipped out, Spain turned his attention to his remote control once more.

"Thank you very much for your cooperation, everyone!" he shouted in a jaunty, winning voice. "I have taken my target item and now I'm afraid I must say goodbye!"

With that, he jabbed the button once more. The large steel door slammed shut, trapping a large number of the officers inside the pyramid. Those who had lingered outside took aim with their stun guns.

Romano couldn't see much from under Spain's cloak, but even he could hear the sinister whoosh of the electrified bullets as they whizzed past them. He whimpered and tried to make himself as flat against Spain's back as possible. It didn't help that Spain was swinging through the air at breakneck speeds. Romano didn't know when he'd felt more unsafe in all his life.

Suddenly there was a great crash like a window being shattered and Romano felt a sharp pain in his arm. The detective gasped in pain, but didn't dare check his wound. They were free-falling now; he could feel it. Then they caught on something and were swinging through the air again. Romano was vaguely aware that the shouts of their pursuers were growing gradually more distant.

"Sorry, Romano!" Spain panted as Romano's warm blood seeped out from his cut in sticky, slow moving droplets. "Are you hurt badly?"

"You crashed us through a fucking window, you dipshit," Romano croaked, trying not to let himself cry. "What the hell do you think?"

"I know; I'm so sorry… I promise I'll make it up to you when we get home," Spain assured him. He wanted to wink at Romano, to give him a nonverbal hint as to what kind of repayment he could expect, but he decided that it may not be the best time for it now when he was trying not to let them run into a tree.

"Hmph, you'd better have something pretty damn amazing in mind," Romano groused, his cheeks reddening again at the thought of what he hoped it would be.

"Oh, don't worry," Spain said brightly, rotating his hips in a manner that should have been illegal so that Romano once again became highly aware of the friction between them. "I've got something in mind that's sure to have my little tomato screaming for more."

Romano was disinclined to believe most of the things that Spain told him, but there was something in the thief's voice that told him that this particular promise was one he could count on him to uphold. Though Romano would fiercely deny it later, he did not cuss Spain out for the perverted implications of his promise; instead he blushed, rested his lips lightly against the side of Spain's neck, and mumbled "looking forward to it."

_The End _


End file.
